


Half of My Soul

by Sansculotte



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, The Iliad AU, song of achilles au, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sansculotte/pseuds/Sansculotte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Three thousand years have not changed the human condition in this respect; we are still lovers and victims of the will to violence, and so long as we are, Homer will be read as its truest interpreter."</i><br/><br/>Obi-Wan and Anakin start their Jedi training together and soon form a forbidden bond, until Anakin is called off to war with a deadly prophecy over his head and Obi-Wan follows.<br/><br/>This uses the legend of the Greek hero Achilles and his comrade Patroclus, set in the Star Wars universe.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Chosen One

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr)  
>   
>  **Character things that I have changed to fit this AU:**  
>  -Obi-Wan's age has been decreased a lot so he's only about a year older than Anakin, to make the Iliad thing make more sense. to clarify, Anakin's birth still takes place at the same time, it's just that Obi Wan is younger. so everyone else is the same age.  
> -Qui-Gon is on the Jedi Council  
> -Padme is queen for a slightly longer amount of time  
> -Padawan haircuts are gone. get rid of them. they're awful. these characters have whatever hair they want (it doesn't even make sense to have a standard haircut because many species don't have hair, how human-centric, jedi can gtfo)  
>   
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/chirrazes) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content.

“A prophecy, I have seen.”

It was as if the entire Jedi Council took in a sharp breath at once.

“A prophecy? Of what?” Mundi looked wary, and Qui-Gon could understand why. Prophecies only existed to warn the Jedi; what could this one be warning about?

“Of a child. A child, with the Force, more powerful than any Jedi.”

“Who is this child?” asked Qui-Gon.

“Not yet born, this child is. He will be, very soon, on the planet of Tattooine.”

There was a pause, and Qui-Gon knew they were all thinking the same thing. “Is he a threat?”

Yoda closed his eyes, breathing a deep sigh before speaking. “It is yet unknown.”

“Then what course of action do we take?” Even Piell asked, addressing the whole chamber.

“I say we train the boy,” said Qui-Gon immediately.

“Train him? He is already supposed to be more powerful than any living Jedi. If we train him, his powers would be so immense he could turn against us and destroy the Jedi,” Adi Gallia responded, looking incredulously at Qui-Gon.

“It sounds to me like the prophecy says he has the power to do that anyway,” remarked Mundi.

“No man could have the power to destroy the Jedi if they’ve never truly learned the ways of the Force, regardless of what the prophecy says,” Mace Windu pointed out. “By training him we risk the Sith learning of his power and using him to bring darkness back to the galaxy.”

“And by not training him, we risk the Sith learning of his power anyway and training him themselves, so there will be no chance of keeping him on the light side!” Qui-Gon responded.

“There is no evidence so far to suggest he could be an evil person at all,” said Plo Koon mildly.

“Master Yoda wouldn’t have received a prophecy if there weren’t any danger in this boy,” Windu argued.

“Yes, there is danger in him, but by training him we can teach him the ways of Jedi, and he will not fall so easily to the Sith!” said Qui-Gon.

“Master Jinn is right,” Yoda said, and the room fell silent. “For a reason, we were warned about him. To do nothing would be to ignore the prophecy. This we cannot do.”

“Then who will take him as their Padawan?” asked Mundi.

“Assuming he passes the trials in thirteen years,” Windu muttered.

“Do you really think a boy who had a prophecy written about him, saying he will be the most powerful Jedi ever, won’t pass the Jedi Initiate Trials?” scoffed Adi Gallia.

“Far away, that time is,” Yoda interrupted. “When it comes, Master Jinn will train the boy.”

Qui-Gon turned to stare at him. “You would trust me with this child?” He was shocked; though Qui-Gon was on the Jedi Council, he often found himself an object of their disapproval, and the idea that they would want him to train this - this “chosen one” - was somewhat absurd.

Yoda nodded slowly. “I do.”

Qui-Gon lifted his head slightly. “Then I will do my best.”

 

~~~~

 

Whispers surrounded young Obi-Wan Kenobi as his fellow younglings wondered what was going on. 

“Who is it?”

“Do you think they’re a Tholonian? I hate being the only one….”

“No idiot, they must be like Yoda.”

“What is Yoda, anyway?”

“Shh, don’t be rude.”

There was a new initiate joining the Uphreos Clan; this was especially odd, because most of the younglings in this particular clan were between eight and nine years of age. Obi-Wan was one of the younger ones, having only turned eight a few months ago, but he was also one of the smarter ones. He had overheard from one of the Masters a few days ago whispering something about “The Chosen One”; it didn’t take much to put two and two together. One had to be special indeed to be taken into training at such a time. Obi-Wan himself had been initiated when he was three, and when the trials came around, he would have trained for ten years; this youngling would only have trained for maybe four years. How could they possibly pass the trials?

Finally Master Qui-Gon entered the room and the whispers ceased almost immediately.

“I would like you all to welcome a new initiate to the Uphreos Clan,” he said. “I have heard your gossip, and I know it is unusual to bring in another youngling to a clan that is already full, and has been so for five years.” The younglings stared at him expectantly; they knew this already. Where was the explanation? “But we sort you into clans with the Force, so we cannot always control it these things; and the Force has chosen this clan for our new initiate. Please welcome - Anakin Skywalker.”

Everyone in the room turned to look at the door, where a very small boy with sandy blond hair had just appeared. He couldn’t possibly be nine years old; he was seven at the most. This, in Obi-Wan’s mind, confirmed it; Anakin Skywalker must be “The Chosen One” that he had heard about. No one else could be initiated at seven years old, into a clan of younglings who had been training for five years, and be expected to complete the trials with them in five more.

Obi-Wan couldn’t control the feelings of bitterness that welled up inside him. What made this boy so special, exactly? Why did he get special treatment like this? All the younglings were looking at him with awe, as if he was reflecting the light of the sun onto their faces, and he hadn’t even done anything yet. But they could tell, he knew, they could tell he was different. Obi-Wan shook his head, reminding himself that bitterness could only lead to hatred, and that was not the Jedi way. No emotion, only peace.

He tried to repeat this mantra whenever he saw Anakin, but it was difficult.  _ No emotion, only peace.  _ But the younger boy had only just started to train and already he outperformed all the other younglings _. _ Obi-Wan found it personally offensive that natural gift could be worth more than hard work; what an unfair reality, and yet, it was.

The bitterness continued to come back, even as he pushed it away. During meditation, when his mind was supposed to be clear, he found himself wondering if Anakin could meditate “better” somehow than the rest of them; probably, since he was oh so special.

His distraction was becoming visible to the Masters as well; sometimes, when Anakin was around, Master Windu or Master Jinn would glance at Obi-Wan worriedly or suspiciously every few minutes, because his thoughts had started to seep through the mental shields he had been taught to keep up. At these times he had to take a moment to clear his head, put his shields back up, and think about anything but Anakin Skywalker.

 

~~~~

 

A few months after Anakin joined the Uphreos Clan, there was a day of training where Master Yoda said that they were to practice lightsaber techniques in pairs, to get used to fighting a real moving opponent. Whoever their partner was would continue to be for the rest of lightsaber training. He began to pair the younglings up, seemingly randomly because his eyes were closed, but of course Master Yoda had to have his reasons.

Obi-Wan suspected what was going to happen before it did, but he wouldn’t admit it to himself because he desperately hoped he was wrong. But Master Yoda pointed to him, then across the room, to Anakin. They were to be partners in the sparring practice. Just his luck.

There were so many things wrong with this, Obi-Wan thought. First of all, he would almost definitely lose every time. This wasn’t the real problem though, because he knew it was better to practice with someone who was better than him; it would force him to improve. The real problem was that he really, really, really didn’t enjoy the company of this boy. 

Obi-Wan was so busy in his thoughts that he had not made any move to walk towards Anakin and begin practice. He was also too busy in his thoughts to notice Anakin standing in front of him.

“Hello. I’m Anakin Skywalker.” It was at this moment that Obi-Wan realized he had never heard Anakin speak before. It wasn’t that Anakin was quiet, it’s just that Obi-Wan had been studiously avoiding any contact with him. The inflection of his voice annoyed Obi-Wan already; it was a simple greeting, why did he need to make it sound like he was singing?

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. “Hello.”


	2. Nothing Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“No man or woman born, coward or brave, can shun his destiny.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT NOTE:** On Saturday 1/30/16, I changed some information said in Chapter One, to make Obi-Wan eight years old instead of six. Anakin is now seven, and they will be completing the trials four years from now. If you read chapter one before that date, please note that it has been changed.  
>   
>  Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr)

Over the next few months, whenever they had lightsaber training, Obi-Wan and Anakin practiced mostly in silence. Anakin tried to ask him questions a few times, to break the ice, but Obi-Wan refused to comply.

“Where is your home planet?”

“Far away.”

Anakin rocked on his heels. “I’m from Tattooine.”

Obi-Wan did not respond.

He wasn’t exactly sure why he didn’t want to even try to talk to Anakin. He had to keep focused, he told himself. No emotion, only peace. He couldn’t speak to this boy, because it would probably make him angry, or worse; they could become friends.

A few weeks later, Anakin tried again. “So you’re human, right?” he began.

“Yes, but I was raised by the Gungans.”

“Then - wait really?”

“No.”

Anakin furrowed his eyebrows at Obi-Wan, but didn’t say any more, not even to finish asking his original question.

Whatever discomfort they had when talking, they made up for it in the ease of fighting. The beginning was rocky, but after they had been training together for a few months, Obi-Wan began to recognize everything Anakin was going to do before he did it, and Anakin must have had the same experience. When Anakin swung his sword one way, Obi-Wan instinctively knew to go the same way; if Anakin tried to duck a blow, Obi-Wan knew to lower his swing before Anakin could react. It was hard to believe Anakin could really be that special when they seemed equal in all respects; it was an ego boost for Obi-Wan, though he would never admit it, that he beat The Chosen One in lightsaber practice on a regular basis.

The other younglings seemed to notice it too; how could they not, when watching Anakin fight was so entrancing? Where most were still somewhat awkward and jerky with their motions, Anakin was fluid, eyes always open, never taking a wrong step. There was not a second that he wasn’t focused and driving forward in the fight; not a second that he wasn’t sure. It was breathtaking to watch someone so in their element that you couldn’t imagine them being anywhere else.

Not, of course, that Obi-Wan was watching.

 

~~~~

 

It was during dinner in the dining hall, a year after Anakin had first been initiated into the Uphreos Clan, that something interesting happened.

Obi-Wan was sitting with the ten other members of his clan, in between his closest friends, a Togruta female named Ousendi Loftor and a human named Stiong Walego. Suddenly, the double doors opened, both at the same time.

In the doorway stood the most beautiful woman Obi-Wan had ever seen in his life, flanked by four other creatues of varying species in fancy-looking clothing. The room got quieter as the younglings noticed the odd group in the doorway, but then the Jedi Knight who had been overseeing them quickly ran to the door, whispering to the woman somewhat urgently. The chatter in the room began to get louder again, but this time everyone was looking at the doorway, wondering who these people were. Obi-Wan’s clan was seated closest to the door, and a few of them began to get out of their seats and creep towards the door, to try to catch what was being said. Anakin was one of them, standing near Obi-Wan and visibly straining to hear.

“I think that’s a queen!” whispered Stiong. Obi-Wan stared at them, then to the woman in the doorway, and stood up.

“Queen of where?”

“I don’t know. Try to get a better look at the insignia on the robes of that guy behind her.”

Obi-Wan leaned forward to get a better look, but the group was already leaving.

After they were out of sight, Anakin, who had still been standing in front of Obi-Wan to hear the queen’s words, whipped his head around, almost hitting Obi-Wan in the nose. “That was the delegation from Naboo!” he said loudly.

Obi-Wan stumbled backwards slightly. “How do you know?”

“I heard Master Jinn say the queen was coming coming later this week with her court to speak to the council,” Anakin responded, lowering his voice to a normal decibel to address Obi-Wan.

“About what?”

“I guess I’ll find out.” With that, Anakin glanced around discreetly then began to walk confidently towards the door.

“Wha - what are you doing?” Obi-Wan whisper-yelled to him.

“Going to find out what they’re talking about.”

“Are you crazy?”

Anakin gave a maddening, guileless grin and continued walking out of the room.

Obi-Wan looked around, then sighed. He too wanted to know what the delegation could have to say that required the audience of the entire council, but was that worth the high probability of getting caught? He knew it was not, and yet there was something pulling him to the door, and without really thinking about it, he followed Anakin into the hallway.

“So what’s the plan?”

Anakin turned around, looking surprised. “You’re actually coming with me?”

Obi-Wan felt a flicker of annoyance. “Well, I was, but you know what, it’s not really-”

“Great!” Anakin interrupted him, his eyes sparkling. He then turned around and continued strutting down the hall, his shoes hitting the floor loudly as he did.

“Could you walk quieter? If someone doesn’t see or sense us, they’re certainly doing to hear you!” Obi-Wan hissed.

Anakin shook his head. “As long as we act like we know what we’re doing, people will think we do.”

“What?”

“Just pretend that you’re part of the council, and you’re heading there for the meeting. If we give off the idea that we’re doing what we’re supposed to, no one will know we’re not.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Obi-Wan muttered, but complied, lifting up his chin with a false air of confidence and walking next to Anakin down the hallway to the council chamber.

They didn’t pass anyone on their way, though Obi-Wan was sure if they had then whoever it was would’ve stopped them immediately. He didn’t say so, however, because Anakin seemed very pleased with himself for making it this far. At the doors of the council chambers, they stopped.

“How do you expect to get in there without being noticed?” Obi-Wan said, suddenly annoyed again that he hadn’t thought of this before and had let himself be drawn into Anakin’s ridiculous scheme.

“The doors aren’t soundproof,” Anakin said with a shrug. “We’ll just listen.” He leaned against the door and pressed his ear against it. Sighing, Obi-Wan did the same.

Not more than five seconds passed before the door opened from the inside and with it no longer supporting their weight, they both tumbled forward into the room.

Obi-Wan didn’t think he’d ever been so embarrassed in his entire life. The whole Jedi Council, and the delegation from Naboo, was staring at them. Mace Windu stood above them, having opened the door, looking somehow more disapproving than he ever had before. Too horrified to speak and having no solution to get them out of this problem, Obi-Wan simply put his face back on the ground to avoid seeing anything that was going on. Anakin, on the other hand, stood up.

“Hello Masters,” he said, with the pretense of professionality, but Obi-Wan could hear the awkwardness behind it. “Hello, Senator, Queen...and others.”

There was a long pause, then Qui-Gon Jinn cleared his throat and said, “Yes, uh - please welcome two of our young Jedi initiates, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They are...training.” No one asked why their Jedi training included listening to council meetings from outside the door, for which Obi-Wan was very grateful.

“Will they be staying here for the rest of the meeting?” asked the queen. Obi-Wan lifted his head. Could this all have not been for nothing?

“No,” said Qui-Gon quickly. “They will be returning to the rest of their clan.” He stared at them expectantly for a few moments, and it wasn’t until Anakin lightly kicked Obi-Wan in the side that he realized they should be leaving now.

“Oh!” Standing up, Obi-Wan nodded politely to the entire room, then turned to follow Anakin out.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind them, Obi-Wan turned to give a menacing glare at Anakin, opening his mouth to quietly yell at him for getting them into this mess, but Anakin was laughing uncontrollably.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Anakin shook his head, still laughing. “That was...the most fun I’ve had...since I got here.”

“That? Really?” How could Anakin have enjoyed being humiliated in front of the entire Jedi Council and some of the most important political figures on this side of the galaxy, more than his actual training? “That was awful. I have never been so-”

“That was fun,” he repeated firmly, looking at Obi-Wan, still smiling.

Obi-Wan huffed incredulously. “You have a very different idea of fun than - well, anyone,” he grunted.

“Maybe so. Should we go back to the dining hall, then?”

Obi-Wan had completely forgotten they were supposed to be in the dining hall. “Oh! Yes!”

They walked back in silence again, Anakin having dropped his “confident” stature, probably because there was no point pretending they were supposed to be here when they’d just been exposed to the whole Jedi Council. It was not a tense uncomfortable silence like their days spent training, but rather an easy one. It made sense.

When they got back to the dining hall, Obi-Wan looked at Anakin. “How are we going to explain to everyone why we disappeared?”

Anakin bit his lip in thought. “We won’t. We’ll just walk in and pretend” -Obi-Wan was rolling his eyes already, and this made Anakin grin- “that we are doing what we should be.”

“Has that worked so far for you at all?” Obi-Wan asked dryly.

“I don’t know. Either it’s worked or I’ve gotten really lucky.”

Obi-Wan shook his head in exasperation, then opened the door to the dining hall, hoping to enter unnoticed.

Like everything else he had hoped for today, this was not his reality. As soon as they stepped inside, closing the door behind them, Ousendi pointed to them.

“There they are!”

Obi-Wan started to feel rather like putting his face on the ground again as the younglings from the Uphreos Clan got up and rushed to the door.

“Where were you?”

“Did you actually follow them?”

“Obi-Wan, what were you thinking?” asked Stiong, as Anakin started answering everyone else’s questions, taking most of the attention away from Obi-Wan.

At a loss of a real explanation, Obi-Wan refuted, “Well you said to see where she was from.”

Stiong just shook their head, chuckling slightly. “That doesn’t seem like something you would do.”

“Yeah, well-” Obi-Wan began gruffly, not really sure what he was going to say, but thankfully Ousendi interrupted him.

“So _did_ you find out where she was from?”

“Oh yeah - Naboo.”

“Naboo?” Ousendi scrunched up her face. “Where is that?”

“I don’t know. I’ve only really heard of it once before.”

“Then how do you know she was from Naboo?” asked Stiong.

“Anakin said she was.”

“Oh.” Ousendi nodded slowly, raising her eyebrows as if she knew something Obi-Wan didn’t, which annoyed Obi-Wan greatly, though he didn’t know why.

“Alright, everyone start cleaning up and heading to the meditation room,” called the Jedi Knight overseeing the dining hall, and Obi-Wan groaned.

“I didn’t even get to eat.”

At meditation, Obi-Wan found it much harder than usual to keep his head clear. His mind could not be blissfully blank for more than ten seconds before thoughts of the delegation from Naboo, or the Masters’ disapproval, or Anakin’s laughing face appeared in his head. He was glad when they slowly turned the lights back up and the younglings began filing out of the room.

As they stepped into the hallway, Obi-Wan froze. About twenty feet away and approaching too quickly was the delegation from Naboo, with Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn.

Obi-Wan looked around frantically, not sure what he was searching for until he found it. He locked eyes with Anakin, who somehow looked only moderately surprised instead of severely alarmed, and made his way over to him.

“What if they recognize us?”

The group had almost reached them now, and all the other younglings were whispering amongst themselves, staring at the queen. When they were in front of the younglings, Qui-Gon stopped.

“Hello, younglings,” he said, nodding to them all. “I would like you to meet our guests; Queen Amidala and the court of Naboo.”

Queen Amidala smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.” The younglings were looking at her in awe as her gaze swept around to all of them, then landed on Obi-Wan and Anakin. She laughed. “So here are the two overly curious younglings from the chambers. I was hoping to speak to you.” Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin, horrified. “No, I don’t want to scold you - I think it’s wonderful that you want to know what happens in these negotiations. I don’t know much about your lives, but I know there is more to being a Jedi than the Force and lightsabers, and I am glad you are discovering that.”

Mace Windu cleared his throat. “We will not keep you, I’m sure you have training to return to.” He began to lead the delegation away from them. As they left, Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, his mouth open in shock.

“Can you believe that?”

“I’m trying not to.”

“She approved! You know what that means?”

“It means…” It slowly dawned on him. “It means the council can’t punish us! Because we didn’t harm their negotiations.”

“Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past Windu to punish us anyway, just because he’s annoyed. But we didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well I wouldn’t say we didn’t do _anything_ wrong…”

“We didn’t have any bad effect on them, how could we have done anything wrong?” The group was moving again, back to their chambers for the night.

“But the foreseeable outcome was that we _would_ have a bad effect on them, and we did it anyway.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Yes it does,” Obi-Wan argued stubbornly, but they had arrived back at their clan’s sleeping chambers; they had to get ready for sleep, and couldn’t continue the discussion.

While he was falling asleep though, Obi-Wan thought more about what had happened today.

Why had he gone with Anakin? It wasn’t like he had even asked. Obi-Wan didn’t like him. There was no good reason to go. It wasn’t, as Stiong had said, something he would normally do. If Obi-Wan had been thinking clearly, he would’ve known that of course the Masters would sense them outside the room and would want to make sure no one was listening illegally to whatever important matters they were discussing. And he had no right to know what they were talking about in the chambers anyway; it was selfish for him to have thought he should know.

But that was it; he hadn’t thought. He had acted on instinct. What an odd instinct it was to follow someone all the way down multiple hallways and listen through a door, but that was what it was; he hadn’t had time to think, because something unknown had pulled him with Anakin, something like - the Force?

But why would the Force be taking him with Anakin? Just to torture him? What could he possibly have gained from this whole experience? He had been humiliated, the Masters were disappointed in him, he’d disgraced the Jedi initiates to important political powers. Nothing good could possibly come from that decision, he thought. Nothing good could possibly come from following Anakin Skywalker anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really fun to write. The next chapter might take longer because school is back on a normal schedule so I won't have as much time, but I'm hoping it will be done by next weekend.  
> 


	3. Being Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Ah my friend, if you and I could escape this fray and live forever, never a trace of age, immortal, I would never fight on the front lines again or command you to the field where men win fame.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr)

Starting the day after the incident with the court of Naboo, even if Obi-Wan tried to stay away, he found himself magnetically drawn to Anakin’s side.

“Remind me again why Anakin sits with us now?” Ousendi muttered at dinner one day, when Anakin was up getting food.

“Oh - I don’t know.” Obi-Wan hadn’t thought about it before; he couldn’t even pinpoint the exact day that Anakin started sitting across from him at meals, but it must have happened.

“He’s not that bad,” said Stiong mildly.

“He’s full of himself.”

“Well, he is good at pretty much everything,” Stiong pointed out.

“So is Obi-Wan. You beat him in sparring all the time, right?” Ousendi looked expectantly at Obi-Wan.

“Uh, yeah I do.”

“And Obi-Wan’s not a narcissistic prick, so clearly it’s his personality, not his ability,” she concluded. Obi-Wan was saved from trying to respond when Anakin returned to the table and Ousendi fell silent.

“What’d I miss?”

He began to feel that the Masters disliked him now, because of how much he didn’t listen in lessons when he was talking to Anakin. He knew the Masters, as Jedis, were supposed to have endless patience, but everyone has a breaking point, and finally during their midday political science class, Mundi reached his.

“Skywalker and Kenobi!”

Obi-Wan froze, turning his head slowly to look at Mundi’s frustrated face.

“Do either of you want to be here?”

“Yes, I do, Master,” he said, and Anakin nodded his agreement.

“Then I’d suggest you pay closer attention.”

“I’m sorry.”

Conversation with Anakin came easier to Obi-Wan than anything he did as a Jedi ever had. He felt like there was nothing he couldn’t say; so different from his life as part of the Jedi Order, where he had to remain in control and not say anything out of line, or he would face consequences.

“What is it like for you?”

“What is what like?” Anakin turned to face him, his blue eyes piercing Obi-Wan.

“The Force. I’ve heard it’s different for everyone, but no one ever talks about _how_ it’s different.”

Anakin nodded a few times in thought. “It’s like - a part of me. Like I know it’s a part of everyone, but I feel like it’s just an extension of myself, like we’re the same. I don’t have to try to think about using the Force, I just _do_ it. It’s like a third arm.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “A third arm?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it stick out of your back, or-”

Anakin shoved him to the side. “You know what I mean.”

Obi-Wan laughed again, then nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

Late at night in the Uphreos Clan common room chairs, sometimes, they talked about the families they had left behind.

“Do you ever miss your family?”

“I miss my mother every day,” said Anakin. “But I know I’ll see her again.”

“Sometimes I think my parents resented me leaving. And I don’t blame them; they wanted to raise a son, not have him taken away at three years old,” Obi-Wan mused. “But they don’t really know what it’s like to be a Jedi.”

“I think if they knew what you were doing, they’d be proud of you.”

“Really?” He turned to look at Anakin, his chest suddenly full of emotion from those few words; ‘They’d be proud of you.’ Would they? He didn’t remember much of his family, so he didn’t really know how they would feel, and he wasn’t sure he really cared, because with his years of being told to cast aside all attachments, he had stopped thinking about his family much at all. But somehow it meant something when Anakin said it.

“Yeah. Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving, especially when my mother is still a slave, but I’m doing what I’m meant to do, and my mother knows that. I’m sure your family does too.”

He had forgotten that Anakin and his mother had been slaves. “What was it like to be a slave?”

Anakin did not respond at first, and Obi-Wan worried he had gone too far, but then he said, “It mostly made me angry.”

“I can understand that.”

“Watto wasn’t that bad, for a slaveowner, I guess,” he continued. “And I hadn’t known any different, so when I was young it felt normal to do work and not get paid for it. But it made me angry that my mother and I couldn’t just get up and leave. Having the freedom to choose; that’s such a basic right, the core of being alive, and I didn’t have it.” He was looking away. “My mother still doesn’t.”

Obi-Wan reached over to put his hand on Anakin’s shoulder, unsure of how to comfort him. “When you’re a Jedi, you can go back and free her.”

“I hope so.”

 

~~~~

 

“Could you stop grinding your teeth?” Ousendi hissed to Anakin during their history and cultures lesson.

“Was I?”

“Yeah,” Stiong said.

“Sorry.” Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who shrugged. It was doubtful that Ousendi and Stiong were really bothered by or even noticed Anakin grinding his teeth, but both of them had always felt rather negatively towards him, and the closer Obi-Wan and Anakin became, the more they both resented him. “Why do they hate me?” he whispered to Obi-Wan. Apparently, he had picked up on their feelings as well. Of course he had, he could probably feel them whenever he was around Ousendi and Stiong.

“They don’t hate you.”

“Certainly seems like they do.”

“Jedi don’t feel hatred.”

“Don’t they?” Anakin said, tilting his head.

“No, the code says ‘no emotion, only peace’. Why would you think they do?”

“Don’t they hate the Sith? And the Separatists?”

“They certainly dislike them, but they don’t hate them,” Obi-Wan reasoned.

“Dislike is just a nicer way of saying hate.”

“It’s - it’s not - the point is,” he said frustratedly, “they dislike them without the passion and emotion behind that. They know, logically, that the Sith and the Separatists are wrong, and the galaxy would be better without them.”

“What’s the point of doing something if you don’t have passion behind it?”

“Did you even read the Doctrine of the Order?”

“Are you two even listening?” Stiong said, hitting the desk with their palms in aggravation.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan lied, picking up his pen to pretend he was taking notes.

“Could you listen quieter?” Ousendi said mockingly.

“Yeah we can try,” Anakin shot back.

Ousendi breathed heavily through her nostrils, but said no more.

“They definitely hate me,” Anakin whispered, quieter than before.

“Well I don’t hate you,” he responded, and Anakin smiled.

 

~~~~

 

“Do you ever feel like you’re...special?”

Anakin looked up from his reading; they were in the common room in the evening again, Anakin was reviewing the Jedi Doctrine because though their trials weren’t for another year, Anakin had never been an expert on the Jedi Code and Obi-Wan had nagged him to start learning it so he could pass the part of the exam that focused on knowledge of the Code. “Special?”

“I mean...you started training years after the rest of us, but you’re clearly the best at saber technique and using the force, and all that. And I know everyone has a different midi-chlorian count, so we all have different ability levels naturally. So I’m just wondering…”

“Are you wondering if I’m The Chosen One?”

Obi-Wan blinked. “Yes.”

“Then yes.”

He said it so factually, not like he was bragging or exaggerating. He didn’t even sound pleased, just stating a truth.

“Is that...do you...how do you feel about that?” he asked.

Anakin shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t really know what it means. When Master Qui-Gon found me he told me there was a prophecy saying I was chosen, and would be more powerful than any Jedi. I wasn’t really shocked and didn’t think about it a lot. It sort of just made sense to me.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “Were you really as apathetic then as you are now? I couldn’t believe it when they said I needed to be trained as a Jedi, I was in shock for days and I wasn’t even ‘special’ or anything.”

Anakin shook his head. “Don’t say that. You’re special.”

“I don’t have a prophecy about me, Anakin, I hardly think-”

“I think you’re special.” Obi-Wan stared at him, and for some reason, neither of them said anything for a few moments. Being different or special had never occurred to Obi-Wan, he had never put any thought into his own unique ability, only Anakin’s.

“Well it doesn’t matter anyway,” Obi-Wan said finally.

“Yeah.” Another pause.

“What do you think you’re going to do with it? Your power.”

“Be a Jedi, I suppose. That’s as far as I’ve gotten,” Anakin said thoughtfully. “I’ll be on the Council, definitely. Youngest Master ever, probably.”

“You really haven’t thought about this before?”

“It doesn’t seem as important as the things I’m doing now.”

“I mean, the most powerful Jedi... _ever_. That’s huge. You’ve got more options than anyone for your future.”

“I don’t feel like the most powerful Jedi. And I don’t like to think about my future.”

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said quickly.

“No, it’s okay,” Anakin said, waving a hand. “I’ve just never talked about it with anyone before. I probably should though.”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Well, even if you don’t feel like it, you certainly seem like the most powerful Jedi to me.”

“Really?” Anakin looked honestly surprised. Obi-Wan did not understand how this could come as a shock to him; since the day he arrived, Anakin had been special. It was the most obvious thing in the world to Obi-Wan.

“Yes.”

“How?”

Obi-Wan didn’t even have to think about this answer. “Everything comes easily to you. You don’t have to think about using the Force, you just _do_ it. Like you said a while ago, it’s just a part of you. You’re one and the same.”

“Well, for the record, I thought the same thing about you.”

Obi-Wan laughed, sure that was a joke, but Anakin’s face was serious. “Wait, you did?”

“Yes...I can’t explain it. It’s just that since I met you, everything you do seems...right.” Obi-Wan stared at him. He couldn’t even seem to make enough sense of the fragmented thoughts and feelings whirling around in his head to express a reaction. Later he would wonder why this was, why he was so strongly affected by what Anakin had said - that what he did was right - and he wouldn’t be able to figure it out. “Honestly, when we first started training, I thought there must be a mistake, that the prophecy must have meant you, not me.”

Obi-Wan did not know how to respond. Luckily, he didn’t have to. Anakin knew what he wanted to say. He always knew.

 

~~~~~

 

Their years as initiates passed quickly, though they didn’t realize it at the time. Soon Obi-Wan was almost fourteen, and set to take the Jedi Initiate Trials in less than a month. That was when Ousendi brought up an issue Obi-Wan somehow had not considered before.

“Obi-Wan,” she began, slightly nervously, as she, Obi-Wan, and Stiong were walking to meditation; Anakin was ahead of them talking to Master Jinn, “do you ever think you might be forming...an attachment?”

“An attachment?” Obi-Wan said, bewildered.

“I’m just saying, Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments. It’s forbidden. I mean it’s not like I’m saying you can’t have friends, or anything, just-”

“Then what are you saying?” He found himself going on the defensive, glaring sideways at Ousendi.

“I’m saying - be careful. Being chosen as a Padawan depends on how we do as younglings just as much as how we do in the trials. And the Masters pay attention.”

“I think what Ousendi’s saying is that the code says to be wary of attachments. Not that you’re not allowed to love. Love and compassion are central to our lives,” Stiong added.

“Wha - love?” Obi-Wan spluttered, taken aback. “That’s - attachment - I - you -”

Ousendi held up her hands, shaking her head. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“What do you mean-”

“Don’t worry about it, Obi-Wan.”

That evening in the clan common room, Anakin was twirling his miniature initiate lightsaber hilt around and around his hand, and Obi-Wan was watching because the repetitive movement was hypnotizing. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, momentarily mesmerized by the lightsaber Anakin was spinning. Then Obi-Wan remembered what Ousendi had said earlier, and realized he had to ask Anakin to really know if she was right.

“Do you think I’m forming an attachment?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the lightsaber.

“To who?” Anakin said absently.

“To you.”

Anakin stopped spinning the lightsaber hilt and Obi-Wan blinked, pulled out of his trance quite abruptly. “Do you think you are?”

“I don’t know.”

Anakin looked at him, staring right into his soul with those clear blue eyes again. “I think you know. You just don’t want to say anything, because attachment is against the Jedi Code.”

“Yes, it is.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“What - what do you mean?” Obi-Wan asked, shocked. The Jedi Code was the core of their lives, the younglings did not ever consider defying its rules.

“Attachment is just another word for love. When someone matters to you, you feel drawn to them, attached to them. And love is an important part of peace and compassion, which are so important to the Jedi. So why would they draw the line at attachments?”

“Because losing someone you’re attached to do can lead to darkness and depression. And the Jedi don’t want that.”

“No one wants that. But darkness and depression and pain are part of being alive. You can’t expect to just have the happy parts of life, only the light and not the dark. That’s unrealistic. One can’t exist without the other.”

Obi-Wan stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. “But it’s against the Code. The Code exists for a reason, I don’t want to blatantly disobey it. And Ousendi said-”

“Ousendi is a different person than you,” Anakin interrupted. “So is Stiong. You’re allowed to disagree with your friends, and you’re allowed to disagree with the Code.”

“Am I, though? The Code is the basis of our lives….”

“No.” Anakin put his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder to stop him talking, and somehow it worked. “The basis of our lives is the Force, being compassionate, and keeping peace. Those are the only parts of the Code that matter.”

“You can’t just decide what matters and what-”

“I didn’t just _decide_ this myself. What do Jedi do that doesn’t involve those three things?”

Obi-Wan tried to think of something to use as an example to refute Anakin’s claim, but it was as if Anakin’s hand on his shoulder was purposely distracting him, tapping his fingers lightly as he often did, as though he had forgotten it was there.

“Nothing. Everything we do is centered on those things. The rest of the Code, they make us memorize it, but it’s not what’s important.”

“And attachment?”

Anakin breathed a small sigh. “The Jedi don’t understand attachment. Attachment is just...caring deeply about...someone, and caring is a good thing. If people didn’t care, there would never have been a Jedi Order in the first place. People had to care about the peace in the galaxy to think they needed to create a group of knights to keep that peace.”

“I can’t go against the Code,” he said, but he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Anakin. His head was spinning. Was Anakin right? He followed the Code in every other respect, he always had, he knew it by heart; was he allowed this one small exception?

“Then that is your choice.” Did he look disappointed? Upset, even?

Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin for a second, then found his eyes held there. “Do you think I should stop being...attached?”

“Do you want to?”

Obi-Wan tried to consider this carefully, but it was hard with Anakin’s eyes gazing directly into his. The common room lights were kept off at night, but the window stretched the length of the north wall, and the moonlight from outside was casting a pale glow on Anakin’s face.

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


	4. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr) is responsible for like 90% of the plot of this chapter, also a fair bit of the writing, she is amazing wow

The night before the trials was upon them sooner than anyone had anticipated, and it was suddenly dawning on all of the younglings that their fate was to be decided tomorrow. Would they pass and become a Padawan, to then continue their training to be a Jedi Knight? Or if they failed, be put into one of the other Jedi Service Corps? Or choose to leave the Order entirely? It was possible the rest of their lives could change if they made one mistake.

“Oh!” Obi-Wan grimaced in pain as Anakin hit him in the stomach with the hilt of his practice lightsaber, but resisted the urge to double over and instead brought his own saber down to try to hit Anakin in the back of the neck to stun him and win the fight. Unlike lightsabers that Jedi Knights use in battle, practice sabers only administer a small shock, effectively stunning the opponent rather than landing a killing blow.

Anakin sensed the move and ducked lower, rolling into a somersault when he hit the ground, then attempting to jump back up on his feet. He didn’t get that far, however, because as he began to rise up, Obi-Wan seized this small opportunity to make a well-aimed blow at Anakin’s chest with the blade of his practice saber. When it hit him, Anakin gave a jolt and fell.

“Are you okay?” Obi-Wan asked before he could stop himself, kneeling down to where Anakin was lying.

Anakin’s eyes fluttered open for a second. “You’ve...killed me….”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, and stood up again so Anakin couldn’t see him smiling.

“I think you’ll be fine tomorrow,” said Anakin, getting up off the ground.

“Not sure you will, if you were beaten that easily,” said Obi-Wan.

Anakin laughed; of course he knew that he would pass the trials with ease tomorrow. “Do you want to practice more or are you done?”

“One more round might be good.”

Anakin nodded and picked up his lightsaber, tossing it high in the air to catch it again.

“You’re not impressive.”

Anakin grinned. “Is that right?” he said, taking a few steps to stand unnecessarily close to Obi-Wan.

“Yeah,” he said, his throat suddenly closing up.

“I guess we’ll find out who’s impressive right now,” Anakin whispered, his mouth right next to Obi-Wan’s ear. Obi-Wan just stood stock still, staring at him, his mind blank; he had no idea what Anakin was talking about. “Are you going to take out your lightsaber or not?”

Obi-Wan mentally shook himself; of course he was talking about the practice sparring they had been doing for the past hour. Why had he forgotten? He pressed the button to ignite his lightsaber and took a few steps back to ready himself.

He did not have more than a split second to prepare before Anakin had Force-jumped towards him and was already casting multiple blows with speed and precision, each of which Obi-Wan blocked, but he was forced to give away more ground with every new combative move Anakin confronted him with, soon finding himself being backed up against the wall on the side of the practice area with nowhere to go.

“Try not to think about what you’re doing, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said. “Just feel it.”

Obi-Wan nodded, closing his eyes for a second to regain control over his thoughts. Drawing energy from the Force, he braced himself for the next round.

Anakin backed away and returned to the middle of the sparring ground, allowing Obi-Wan to build up a mental shield in order to lock away every sensation that hindered him from concentrating on the fight, and only the fight. Obi-Wan took up his starting position and drew a deep breath.

Now there was only him, Anakin, and the Force surrounding them. Anakin started to move first, and Obi-Wan blocked the first few attacks, easing into the movements as he began to feel more and more comfortable with his saber. Finally he was able to start an offensive, forcing Anakin to step back to avoid getting hit. The two boys picked up speed with every move, every step they took becoming more precise, their lightsabers now extensions of their bodies.

Obi-Wan sensed it first - the Force felt different around them. It was as if they were floating in an ocean of pure energy, taking up more of it into themselves with every blow they cast. He felt shivers down his spine and an uncontrollable heat building up inside of him only to turn back into cold determination. As Anakin turned and swung his saber toward Obi-Wan’s side, the older boy had the impression he was the one attacking; his body did not feel his own anymore. All that was left was his presence in the Force, guiding the motions of his mortal shell. And there it was again, the heat engulfing every part of his being.

He had heard of a bond in the Force formed between two Jedi that connected their spirits. They were usually more common between Masters and their Padawans, but could occur between any two Force-sensitives who had grown together, as Anakin and Obi-Wan had, and truly understood each other. It wasn’t always like this, though; Obi-Wan truly couldn’t tell which sensations were his and which were Anakin’s, but it didn’t seem to matter.

When he looked at Anakin, he saw the same wondering expression and he knew this had something to do with his friend being the Chosen One. His bond with the Force must have been so strong that it spilled over to Obi-Wan, making his emotions blurry and his movements more beautiful and violent with every second they kept fighting.

All the gracefulness he had always witnessed in Anakin when he fought, he now felt in himself. He could have closed his eyes and continued to battle, it wouldn't affect him at all, because he could feel every move they both made.

He had always been able to sense the edge of Anakin’s emotions even through his mental shields, but now he could feel them like never before. Passion swirled around him and through him, he could feel a determination that was always there, exhilaration at the fight, and a deep, intense longing-

Not wanting to be distracted further by Anakin’s thoughts, or because he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the rest of them were, Obi-Wan turned his attention back to the fight. He gripped the hilt of his lightsaber with both hands and brought it down above Anakin’s head, but Anakin was ready for him and blocked his blow. Obi-Wan had expected this, and used all his strength to continue driving the lightsaber towards Anakin, who held his position.

Obi-Wan tried to move his sword upwards to be above Anakin, a risky move in itself, but Anakin anticipated this too and did the same, then quickly took one hand off his lightsaber to grab Obi-Wan’s wrist and try to push back against him. Feeling that Anakin was starting to win this battle of strength, Obi-Wan took his left hand off his own lightsaber and onto Anakin’s wrist too. He was exerting all his strength, but to no avail. In that moment, they were perfectly balanced, perfectly matched in strength and determination, neither gaining any ground.

It was not until he took a second to glance away from the swords above his head that Obi-Wan realized Anakin’s face was now barely an inch away from his own. From this distance, he could focus clearly on the sweat at Anakin’s hairline, or each individual eyelash, or the Cupid’s bow of his upper lip, or his eyes, a blue that reminded Obi-Wan of lightning, bright and striking, which he now realized were locked with his, blazing with emotion, emotion that the Jedi were not supposed to have, and Obi-Wan knew his were the same.

It was an instant that lasted an eternity. The heat from the fight and the adrenaline pulsing through Obi-Wan’s veins and something else he couldn’t name made his heart beat faster than it ever had before. Still bonded with Anakin in the Force, he could hear his heart too, beating with the exact same interval and intensity. Nothing had ever felt more _right_ , not in his entire life, nothing until the next moment when Anakin leaned in and his lips met Obi-Wan’s.

The air around them crackled and Obi-Wan felt like he never had before; ecstatic and scared and _satisfied_ at the same time. All their lives together so far must have been leading up to this. Obi-Wan had never thought about it before but now it seemed clear; what they were doing was against the Jedi Code and everything Obi-Wan had studied and practiced for the last decade, but there was nothing else that could happen. It was predestined, a part of the inevitable path the Force lays out for all things living and inanimate. For a very brief period in time, the entire galaxy revolved around only the two of them, and nothing mattered but Anakin and how they both felt, right now.

The fight had been forgotten, both boys still holding their lightsabers but now gently out at their sides instead of in the air. Anakin was gripping Obi-Wan’s wrist hard now, digging his nails into his skin, as though if he let go then the other boy would run away, and it was this that snapped his mind back into focus.

“Stop,” he said suddenly, and Anakin did.

“What is it?”

“It’s just….” He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. “Anakin,” he said, and just his name sounded different now, it felt different to say, “we’re taking the trials... _tomorrow._ ”

“Yeah, and we’re gonna do fine,” Anakin responded, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Anakin,” he said again, “they’re going to ask us about the Code, and we have to talk about it, as if we haven’t just _broken_ it, and if they find out-”

“Then lie.” He said it so simply, but it wasn’t simple to Obi-Wan at all.

“Anakin, we can’t lie to the Masters.” He couldn’t stop saying his name, it gave him a rush of feelings that he couldn’t describe every time he said it. “They’ll know, and we’ll fail.”

“So we’ll fail.”

“Anakin, you can’t just not become a Jedi!” The name again. “You have a _prophecy_ , you’re _important_.”

“So are you.”

Obi-Wan stopped breathing for a few seconds, just looking at him.

“It’ll be _fine._  I don’t care anyway. If I fail I’ll just be in the Agricorp or something,” Anakin said with a shrug.

“You’d hate the Agricorp.”

“You’re worth it.”

“ _Anakin!_ ”

Anakin grinned. “It’s true.”

“It’s _not_ ,” he said, head still spinning. “Being a Jedi is the most important part of our lives. You’re already showing how attachment is going to-”

He wanted to say more, but Anakin kissed him again and he forgot what he had been thinking. He let himself be drawn in for a moment, then stopped. “Someone could walk out here _any minute now_!”

“Okay, good point. Let’s go somewhere else.” He reached for Obi-Wan again, who shoved him away.

“Let’s _not_ ,” he said, shaking his head. “Anakin, it doesn’t matter if someone sees. The trials are tomorrow, how can I expect to become a Padawan if I’m already breaking the Code?”

“You and your damn Code,” Anakin grumbled.

“It’s not _my_ Code. And I’m not going to let you compromise your chances of becoming a Jedi for me.”

“Oh, so it’s about me now?”

“It’s - Anakin - you’re being ridiculous!” he said, his voice rising. “The idea that - _any of this_ \- is okay, is insane! Our futures are decided tomorrow. Even before, I was worried the Masters would sense something was wrong, and now - now they definitely will! You can’t just act like this is nothing.”

“I’m not-”

“You are! I have to pass these trials tomorrow. We both do. That’s the most important thing.”

“No, it’s not,” Anakin said loudly, his eyes blazing. “The Jedi are wrong. What’s the point in fighting if you’ve got nothing to fight _for_? You can say we fight for peace and justice and balance of the Force, but that’s not enough.” Obi-Wan couldn’t seem to speak. “I know I’d be a better Jedi if I have a reason. You’re the reason.”

Obi-Wan took a deep breath, and slowly nodded. The Masters would find out, he knew they would, and he would more than likely have to leave the Jedi Order, but he wasn’t thinking of that. Anakin took a step towards him again and Obi-Wan gladly fell into his embrace, closing his eyes, letting waves of happiness flow over him and trying to savor the feelings of warmth in his chest as he held Anakin close, and thought he would never let go.

 

~~~~

 

Obi-Wan awoke the next morning to Anakin’s face above his, his breath hot and his eyes sparkling. For a second, Obi-Wan felt at ease, then realized where they were.

“Anakin!” he hissed, shoving the boy off of him with more force than he intended to and jerking his head up to look around, making sure none of the other younglings in their clan dormitory were awake.

“They’re all asleep,” Anakin said from his new place on the floor. “I’m not that dumb.”

“If anyone had woken up-”

“No one did, relax.”

Obi-Wan sat up further, rubbing his eyes to clear them of sleep. “It’s a good thing we’ve only got one more day left as initiates or you would get us kicked out of the program within a week.”

“I can’t believe I’ve made it this long.” Anakin stood up, stretching. “It doesn’t matter anyway, tomorrow we’ll be Padawans and we’ll do whatever we want.”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works. In fact, I think that’s the opposite of how it works.”

He shrugged. “Maybe not whatever we want. But it’ll be okay, I can feel it.”

Obi-Wan sighed. “That’s if we pass the trials.”

“Oh, not that again,” Anakin said, frowning. “You will definitely pass the trials.”

“The Masters-”

“They won’t notice anything except how well you do.”

“But how can I-”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin said firmly, putting his hands on Obi-Wan’s shoulders. “You’re going to be fantastic. No one cares more about being a Jedi than you, and they’ll see that.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t seem to formulate words. The confidence in Anakin’s voice somehow made all his doubts fade away; if Anakin said he was fantastic, how could he possibly be any less than that? In spite of his previous worries of being seen, he reached up to put his arms around Anakin’s neck, wishing he had some way to explain how he felt.

Anakin just smiled, returning Obi-Wan’s hug immediately as if he had been waiting for him to do it. “I know.”

 

~~~~

 

“As you know, the trials will consist of three tests. In order, they are; knowledge of the code, sensitivity to the Force, and lightsaber combat.” Mace Windu was pacing in front of the younglings seated on the floor, which was making their nerves, if possible, even worse. “The whole process, for each of you, should not take more than half an hour, most likely much less. If you pass, you will be taken into training by one of the Masters. If you fail, you can either be allocated into one of the Jedi Service Corp programs, or choose to leave the Order entirely and use your talents to better the galaxy elsewhere.” Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin worriedly, but he was watching Windu with rapt attention. “We will take you into the tests in random order. When you are done, you can return to your clan’s common room. Imonda Henchat, you will be first.”

Imonda stood up to follow Mace Windu into the Jedi Council chambers, her eyes wide and arms stiff. Obi-Wan tried to give her a reassuring smile as she passed; he hadn’t spoken to Imonda more than a few times, but he couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. As soon as the door closed, Anakin turned to Obi-Wan.

“So we’re just alone in the room in front of all the Masters?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought we did the lightsaber duels all at once with each other.”

“I wish we did, then I could watch you fight,” Anakin said with a smirk.

Obi-Wan felt that heat in his chest and face again, but he just laughed. “I wish we did too, I’d feel better if you were there.”

“Hey guys.” Obi-Wan looked up to see Stiong and Ousendi standing above them.

“Hey! Sit down, join us,” Anakin said, sounding as friendly as ever, but Obi-Wan could tell he was annoyed that they had been interrupted.

“You ready for the trials?” Obi-Wan asked.

“I think so,” said Stiong. “It shouldn’t be too hard anyway, we just need to know the Code and use the Force. We’ve been doing that for a decade.”

“That’s a good way to think of it,” said Obi-Wan.

“I think the second test will be the hardest,” commented Ousendi. “It’ll be hard to concentrate with all of them watching. And I bet they’ll know what we’re thinking; it’s hard to keep up mental shields when you’re being tested at the same time.” She was looking at Obi-Wan while she said it, her eyebrows raised.

“If you know how to use the Force, you’ll be fine,” said Anakin loudly, glaring at Ousendi. Obi-Wan elbowed him as subtly as possible. _She already suspects us._

“I guess you’re right,” Ousendi conceded, but there was a scornful undercurrent in her tone, and Obi-Wan knew Anakin did not miss it.

“What about the lightsaber test?” said Anakin, and Obi-Wan had to resist the urge to put his face in his hands. “Anyone can memorize the Code, and anyone chosen for the Initiate program obviously has the ability to use the Force well enough to pass a test. But a physical battle, that’s something not everyone has.”

“Well, hard work pays off,” said Ousendi, narrowing her eyes. “And I wouldn’t say anyone can pass the second test, I don’t know if everyone has the right mental...state.”

“And what state is that?” There was electricity crackling in the air, and Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if there was any safe course of action to take at this point, so he just stayed silent.

“Just peaceful, wise, serene, all that. It’s in the Jedi Code, you know.”

“Yeah, I do know, Ousendi, because believe it or not, I’ve read the Code.”

“Have you really?” she scoffed.

“What do you mean by that?” Anakin asked, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“I’m just saying, you’ve never been one for rules. And now you’re making others think it’s okay to ignore them.”

“What others?” Anakin said through gritted teeth, and Obi-Wan could tell this was going downhill faster than he had originally thought.

“Ousendi Loftor, you’re next,” called Windu from the doorway, and Obi-Wan had never loved Windu as much as he did in that moment. Ousendi stood up and headed towards the door.

“Good luck,” Obi-Wan called after her vaguely, and Anakin gave him a look. He shrugged. “She’s my friend.”

“Some friend,” said Anakin derisively. “What was that, anyway? Why would she feel the need to harass us right before the trials?”

Obi-Wan shrugged, afraid to respond with Stiong still there. There was mostly awkward silence and idle chatter for the next twenty minutes, until Ousendi returned.

“How did it go?” asked Stiong.

She smiled but looked shaken. “Fine. I’ve got to go back to the common room now.”

As she left, Anakin said, “I hope she doesn’t pass.”

“Unnecessary,” muttered Stiong.

Anakin opened his mouth to respond, but Obi-Wan silenced him with a look.

Three more tests and almost an hour later, Mace Windu came to the door and called, “Anakin Skywalker.”

Anakin stood up, seeming completely calm, and started heading towards the door without saying anything. Before he could stop himself, Obi-Wan reached up to grab Anakin’s hand.

“Good luck.”

Anakin looked back at him for a second, squeezed his hand, then kept walking to the door.

The next half hour was the most nerve-wracking half hour Obi-Wan had ever experienced. He knew Anakin would be fine, he believed in him fully, but it didn’t stop him from being worried. Finally, the door opened and Anakin exited the room followed by Mace Windu. Obi-Wan jumped up to run to him and ask how it went, but he did not even reach Anakin because Windu called, “Obi-Wan Kenobi,” and he froze. “You’re next, please enter the chambers.”

Obi-Wan tried to regain his composure, marching to the door and trying to avoid Anakin’s gaze as he passed, and failing to do so. He only saw his eyes for a second but they were full of affection and suddenly, the whole ordeal seemed a lot less terrifying.

As Obi-Wan stepped into the chambers, the first thing he noticed was how much colder it was in this room than any other. He also remembered that the last time he was here, he had been laying on the ground while Anakin tried to talk his way out of a mess they’d created. So much time had passed since then.

“Welcome, Obi-Wan,” said Qui-Gon Jinn as Obi-Wan made his way to the center of the room. The Council Chambers were only about half full, with Qui-Gon, Mace Windu, Plo Koon, Adi Gallia, and Yoda; the rest were, presumably, away from the Temple on some sort of mission.

“Hello.”

“For this portion of the test, all you will need to do is recite the Jedi Creed and answer a few questions concerning the teachings and maxims,” said Qui-Gon. “You can begin the Creed any time.”

He took a deep breath, trying to think only of the Jedi way, to clear his mind of all distractions.

“I am a Jedi, an instrument of peace.” He knew this. “Where there is hatred, I shall bring love.” His mind flashed to Anakin for a second, but he refocused. “Where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”

 _Faith, light, joy._ He had all these things when he was with Anakin, how could anything they did be against the Code? This thought strengthened him.

“I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. The Force is with me always, for I am a Jedi.”

“Next, explain empathy as it relates to a Jedi’s life,” said Qui-Gon.

“Empathy means we look at situations from others’ perspectives. It makes us good listeners and lets us create peace in society.”

“Why must the Jedi maintain focus?”

“We must choose what matters most to focus on, and put all of ourselves into what we are doing.”

“Lastly, how do the Jedi view mourning?”

Obi-Wan was slightly taken off-guard by this question. Grief was not discussed often, and only briefly mentioned in the Jedi Teachings. He wondered if Anakin would be able to get this question right, when he was not nearly as well-versed in the Doctrine of the Order as Obi-Wan was.

“We do not mourn the death of others obsessively. We can feel grief, but know they will forever be a part of the Force, so they are forever a part of us.”

“Thank you. That concludes the first of the trials. Next is use of the Force. We’re going to ask you to move a few objects with the Force, identify what is on a screen facing away from you, and meditate to clear your mind,” said Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what to think. Moving objects and identifying pictures sounded easy, but meditation, not so much. This was what he had been worried about. His mind had to be blank, but in the past sixteen hours he couldn’t stop thinking about Anakin, even when he wasn’t consciously doing it, and if he was honest with himself, it had been that way for a long time before the kiss too.

Plo Koon held out a lightsaber. “Use the Force to summon this to you.”

Obi-Wan stretched out his hand, focusing on the lightsaber to move it through the air and towards him. He caught it easily, and Master Plo looked pleased.

“Now return it to me.”

Obi-Wan guided the lightsaber with his hand to float it back to Master Plo, who took it and pocketed it again.

“Can you identify the object on the screen I am holding?” said Windu, and Obi-Wan turned his focus there.

“A Republic starship,” he said, closing his eyes. He felt more confident now. More balanced.

“And now?”

“A desert planet,” he said, and suddenly his peace of mind was broken, as he was flooded with memories of the stories Anakin had told him about his home planet, a desert planet, Tattooine.

The Masters seemed to eye him suspiciously, and Obi-Wan knew they could sense his sudden lack of focus.  He tried desperately to regain control over his thoughts before the meditation would begin.

“For this next test, you simply need to clear your mind of all distractions, as we do in the meditation room every day,” said Qui-Gon. “We ask you to take down your mental shields so we can tell what you are doing.” Obi-Wan nodded and closed his eyes, ready to begin the meditation.

He tried to focus on the sound and feel of his breathing first, that usually worked, but now it just reminded him of the sound and feel of Anakin’s breath on his face this morning. _Focus!_ The more he tried to clear his mind, however, the more jumbled it became.

The real technique for meditation, one that he had wanted to somehow avoid using, was to recognize each emotion that he had, and slowly let each of them go. There was no other option at this point, and he figured it was better to let the Masters clearly know his emotions than to not be able to get rid of them at all.

First was the anxiety, from the trials, from the fight between Ousendi and Anakin, from the fear of being caught breaking the Code. He tried to see it in his mind, and breathed in, letting it fill him for a moment, then breathed out, watching his stress blow away into the air.

The next feeling that came into focus was his passion, his determination to be a Jedi. It was everything he wanted, and he felt the energy from it coursing through his veins, then breathed out and let it go. It was out of his hands; everyone has a path in the Force, and if his was to be a Jedi, then it would happen. If it was not, he could accept it.

Finally there was Anakin. There was so much there, surprisingly not in feelings or words, but in images and sensations; flashes of their lightsaber duels and the inexplicable feeling of perfect unity in the Force they had the night before, Anakin’s face in the common room illuminated by moonlight, the sound of his laughter ringing throughout a room, the pressure of his lips-

Suddenly all too aware that the Masters could see what he was thinking, Obi-Wan tried to force the thoughts of Anakin out of his head as quickly as possible, but now that his brain was reeling again, they wouldn’t budge. Everything else came flooding back, too; the stress, the lack of focus, the feelings of inadequacy, and he knew there was no hope of returning to any kind of meditative state. Then, Mace Windu’s voice rang out in the chamber and he opened his eyes.

“That will be enough, Obi-Wan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took it upon myself to make my own version of the Jedi Initiate Trials, because there isn't really an official way they always did the trials, and this made the most sense. So if it is inaccurate to some other sources, I'm sorry.  
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


	5. An Entire Galaxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Forever quarreling is dear to your heart, and wars and battles; and if you are very strong indeed, that is a god's gift.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr)

“Masters, if you could-” Obi-Wan began desperately, but Master Yoda held up a hand and he stopped.

“Time for your third trial, it is,” he said. Obi-Wan swallowed and tried again to relax. Lightsaber battles were easy. He had done exceptionally well in his practice sparring with Anakin the night before, and training for years with the Chosen One had to have improved his abilities beyond what they would’ve been otherwise. He cursed himself for thinking this, however, because it was thoughts of Anakin that had caused such a blunder in the previous trial. He couldn’t repeat that.

“First you will be wearing a helmet with the shield down and blocking laser gun shots with your lightsaber, then demonstrating some combat schools against a hologram,” said Windu, as Plo Koon pulled out a remote from behind his chair and turned it on, letting it float into the air six feet away from Obi-Wan. He pulled his lightsaber out of his belt and ignited it as Windu handed him a helmet to put on.

“The remote will shoot low power lasers at you, just like in training, and you will block them with your lightsaber, using the Force to guide your actions instead of what you see.”

Obi-Wan held his sword out in a defense position, feeling through the Force where the remote was and following it. This was simple. The remote started firing laser beams and he blocked them all, without even having to think about it. He could feel the Force flowing through him more easily now, and did not miss a single shot.

“Well done,” said Plo Koon, and Obi-Wan took off his helmet as Master Plo returned the remote to its place behind his chair. “One last task.” He pointed to the center of the room, where a hologram of a faceless Jedi stood wielding a lightsaber. The hologram went into an attacking stance; Obi-Wan followed suit, and before he could even think about whether or not it would be different fighting a hologram instead of a person, it was attacking.

Obi-Wan blocked the first few blows but the fourth skimmed his arm, giving him a small jolt. He stepped back, shocked, not by the hologram’s lightsaber but by the fact that he was doing so badly in the battle. He beat Anakin in training, why couldn’t he beat a hologram?

 _Anakin._ He closed his eyes.

The holographic Jedi was faceless, so he could be whoever Obi-Wan needed, and right now he needed Anakin. He imagined Anakin standing in front of him with the lightsaber, ready to begin a round of practice sparring, the way he had last night. And when the hologram came at him again, he was ready.

Obi-Wan stabbed and spun and ducked and weaved but neither he nor the hologram could land any blows. An improvement, but not enough. Finally, he started to feel different.

Of all the events during the trial, this must have surprised the Jedi Council the most. Obi-Wan felt another spirit within him, guiding his actions ever so slightly, strengthening him and relaxing him all at once. It felt just the way it had last night, when he and Anakin had been in such synchrony that it seemed they became one.

Where was Anakin? The common room was on the other side of the temple, did their bond extend this far? Did he realize what was happening?

He did not pay much mind to these questions, fearing for a split second they might distract him from the fight, but a surge of reassuring energy made all the distractions seem insignificant. He was made of steel, invincible, and he closed his eyes now because he knew that when he was bonded with Anakin, there was nothing he could not do.

Finally the hologram was on the floor, fallen in defeat, and he held his lightsaber above it, ready to cast the killing blow, then stopped and looked at the council. “Is that enough?”

It took them a little too long to answer. “Yes,” said Master Yoda, and Obi-Wan sheathed his lightsaber.

“That will be all, young Kenobi,” said Qui-Gon Jinn. “You may return to your clan common room.”

Obi-Wan gave a small bow and exited.

Once the door had been closed again and Windu had taken the next initiate in for their trial, leaving only Stiong left waiting for his turn in the Council Chambers, Obi-Wan practically ran all the way to the common room. As soon as he arrived, Anakin was at the entrance as if he knew Obi-Wan was coming.

“How did it go?” said Anakin, his voice tinged with fear. Obi-Wan glanced around; the rest of the younglings were on the other side of the common room or in their dormitories, so no one could hear them.

“Not great, but-”

“What do you mean?”

“Anakin, did you feel it?” Obi-Wan said, grabbing Anakin’s arm without realizing he had done it.

“I did, I did, Obi-Wan, but what do you mean it wasn’t great?” Anakin insisted.

“It - oh yeah.” In his excitement at the lightsaber battle and the bond, he had pushed it out of his mind. “The meditation.”

“Oh no.” Anakin’s eyes widened.

“I couldn’t clear my mind on command so I tried to think of each of my emotions and then push them away, you know?”

Anakin brought his hand to his forehead and swore in what sounded like Huttese.

“And I was doing fine but Anakin - I thought of you and it was a disaster. They saw everything.”

“Everything?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Everything. I’m so sorry Anakin, I should’ve been more focused, they’re going to know, we’re not going to be Padawans, we’re going to-”

Anakin interrupted him by wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan’s waist and hugging him as tightly as he could. “Obi-Wan, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Obi-Wan suddenly felt like crying. “They’re going to see.”

“If the Masters know anyway, who cares?”

He had a point. Obi-Wan let his head fall on Anakin’s shoulder. “What are we going to do now?”

“I guess we just wait.” There was a pause. “Do you want me to carry you to one of the chairs or can you walk yourself?”

Obi-Wan let out a small laugh and lifted his head, walking with Anakin to go sit in one of the chairs by the window.

“So how did your trial go?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Well I’m not sure if I got one of the questions right about the Jedi Code, but everything else was fine.”

“Was it the one about grief?” he asked, recalling his thoughts during that test.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“The meditation was fine?” Obi-Wan said, his voice slightly strained.

“Yes it was, but it just as easily could’ve been a mess, so stop beating yourself up,” Anakin responded. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

“It was a pretty big mistake.”

“Stop it.”

“What about your prophecy? What if they don’t make you a Jedi because of this? What will become of you then?” he said, speaking more and more rapidly

“Obi-Wan, I don’t care about the prophecy,” said Anakin, putting his hands on Obi-Wan’s to steady him. “It doesn’t mean anything and I don’t have to follow what it says. I have a choice. I don’t have to become a Jedi at all.”

“But you’re important, being a Jedi is important, you can’t just give that up.”

“You’re a lot more important to me than the Jedi Order.”

“Stop saying that!” Obi-Wan said, frustrated, trying to wrench his hands away from Anakin’s, but he was holding on tight. “You’ve been training to be a Jedi for six years, you’ve had the Force since birth, it hasn’t even been a day since you kissed me and now you keep saying that’s more important.”

“I’ve known you for longer than a day, Obi-Wan. You only mentioned attachment a month ago, but I’ve been attached to you since the day we got caught spying on the Jedi Council.”

“That’s not...you can’t…”

“I can,” he said, bringing Obi-Wan’s hands to him. “They want us to forget our families too, to not be attached, but I haven’t. People are more important than to me than the Jedi Order. _You’re_ far more important to me than the Jedi Order. That’s how I’ve always been, and if it’s not the same for you I understand.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Obi-Wan said quietly.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean you’re not...important to me.”

Anakin opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it, looking at a point past Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Obi-Wan turned around in his chair to see Stiong and Ousendi behind him and had to fight the urge to let out an aggravated sigh.

“Hello,” said Anakin in a carefully controlled voice.

“Hi,” said Ousendi.

“We were just talking about how our trials went,” Obi-Wan said unnecessarily.

“How did they go?” asked Stiong.

“Well I-”

“We both did really well, actually,” Anakin cut in loudly before Obi-Wan could finish.

“That’s good,” said Ousendi, though it was clear she did not think it was good.

“Surprised, Ousendi?” said Anakin, his tone acidic.

“Not much, you always seem to find a way to get what you want,” she said, curling her lips into a sneer.

“Guys, this is not the time,” Obi-Wan said in a halfhearted attempt to stop the oncoming storm.

“Well what I’d like to know is why you think that what we do is any of your business anyway,” said Anakin, his voice rising by the second. “And why you have to continually confront us about it.”

“Funny, I never said anything about Obi-Wan,” said Ousendi in a honeyed voice, and it was clear to Obi-Wan that they had fallen into her trap.

 

~~~~

 

The Jedi Council had never had an easy job choosing which younglings to take as Padawans and who would train them, but now it was near impossible.

“He’s the Chosen One,” said Qui-Gon simply. “We need him.”

“He’s breaking the Code already, if we continue training him he’ll only continue to do it,” said Adi Gallia.

“And with training, he’ll only become more powerful,” Mace Windu added.

“The Sith could train him too,” said Plo Koon. “Isn’t it better to keep him with us, to keep a close eye on him?”

“And then just let him think it’s alright for him to go against the Jedi Code?” said Windu. “If he is to be a Jedi, we have to stop - whatever this is - as soon as possible to avoid damage down the road, but if we do that he could resent the Jedi forever and fall even more easily into the hands of the Sith.”

“And if we don’t pass him, he will most definitely resent the Jedi forever,” Qui-Gon pointed out. “Clearly he’s already made his mistake, and if we punish him for it, either by failing him or forcing him to give up his attachment, there is a high chance he will turn on us.”

“What about Kenobi?” said Adi Gallia suddenly, and there was silence. “You all felt the presence when he was fighting the hologram. He was drawing strength from a Force bond, but it was unlike any I’ve ever experienced.”

“Clearly this has gone too deep for us to easily undo,” said Qui-Gon. “If they have a bond that great, there’s no way of separating them. We either pass them both or fail them both.”

“If we fail them and they leave the Order, there’s a possibility they’ll just live their lives together elsewhere,” Plo Koon mused.

“We can’t just let them go, it’s too likely that the Sith will find Skywalker and seduce him,” Qui-Gon argued. “Look, but what if….” He paused, bracing himself for a barrage of anger after what he said next. “What if we don’t stop him?”

“You mean we should knowingly allow him to continue a relationship, against the Code, that will only grow stronger and could ultimately cause his downfall?” said Windu incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am. If there is anyone who can be a Jedi and have such an attachment at the same time, why wouldn’t it be the Chosen One?”

“He’s powerful, yes, but that power has to be contained,” said Gallia. “If we allow him to break the Code it will only spiral from there.”

“But….” Qui-Gon searched desperately for an argument he could make that would convince the Council, and then he realized. “What if - what if we could use them to our advantage?” No one responded, so he kept going. “The bond that influenced Obi-Wan’s battle was incredible, and if they were trained to use that bond - there’s no limit to what they could do.”

“Master Jinn may have a point,” said Yoda slowly, speaking for the first time since the discussion had begun. “Strong they are alone; together, who can imagine?”

“If we train them together, they could learn to use their bond even more,” Qui-Gon persisted. “No one would stand a chance against them in battle.”

“And an added benefit of this is if Skywalker is tethered to Kenobi, it would be substantially harder for the Sith to turn him to the dark side if and when they learn of his power,” said Adi Gallia.

“It could work,” Plo Koon said, nodding.

“Decided, it is, then,” said Yoda. “Both will pass.”

 

~~~~

 

Anakin seemed entirely speechless, and Ousendi was still smiling malevolently.

“I think what Anakin meant was that-” Obi-Wan began, but he was saved from having to come up with an excuse by the door to the common room opening again, now revealing Master Yoda.

“Finished, the trials are,” he said, and everyone fell silent. “Follow me to the Council Chambers.”

The younglings in the room rushed out, streaming into the hallway and towards the chambers to hear their results, and Stiong and Ousendi went with them. Obi-Wan stood up slowly, trying to steady his breathing.

“It’ll be fine,” said Anakin, putting his hand gently on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “No matter what happens, we’ll be fine.”

He nodded, feeling slightly better but still not devoid of anxiety as Anakin guided him after the other younglings to the chambers. When they arrived, the Masters were in their chairs again and their fellow initiates were sitting in the center of the room in a huddle.

“The process of assigning you to your Masters will be as follows,” said Mace Windu. “We will call the name of a Padawan and the name of a Jedi who will train them, and if your name is not called, you have not passed. Afterwards, all of you will go to your evening meal, then to your chambers to collect any possessions you may have. If you’ve passed, you will move into the double suites with your new Master. If you’ve failed, you will come back to this room and we will discuss your future from here.”

Obi-Wan’s heart started beating faster, and Anakin grasped his hand again.

“Umino Forto, you will be trained by Master Adi Gallia.”

“Xakic Hasew, you will be trained by Erol Starfire.”

“Stiong Walego, your Master will be myself.” Obi-Wan could see Stiong, sitting a few feet away from he and Anakin, turning to look at Ousendi, their eyes wide. Most likely from both excitement and terror, since Mace Windu was so intimidating to most of the younglings.

“Coris Ardmore, your Master will be Cuhan Chinzano.” Obi-Wan was becoming more tense as the names went on, and none of them were his. Anakin could tell and gripped his hand harder.

“Imonda Henchat, you will be trained by Master Luminara.”

“Lastly, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, you will both be trained by Master Qui-Gon Jinn.”

Many things happened at once. Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, open-mouthed in shock; Ousendi whipped her head around to glare at them both, her anger making the air around them hotter; the other younglings began whispering to each other, asking questions as if any of their friends knew the answers; and Obi-Wan broke out into laughter.

Seeing this, Anakin beamed, beginning to laugh himself. “What’s so funny?”

“I didn’t fail,” Obi-Wan said, trying his best to whisper, his eyes brimming with tears of relief. “I didn’t screw it up for us. We’re training together.”

Aware that everyone was looking at them, Anakin didn’t move, but Obi-Wan could tell he wanted to kiss him again.

“With that finished, you all can head to the dining hall now,” said Windu, and they did, continuing to whisper all the way, the air full of excitement and disappointment from those who passed and those who didn’t.

They sat down at their usual table, and Obi-Wan didn’t even have time to speak before Ousendi and Stiong appeared, ruining any chance of talking to Anakin about what had happened.

“What in the Sith was that?” said Ousendi, her voice like red hot metal.

“I - I don’t know,” said Obi-Wan, because he didn’t.

“You’re breaking the Code, both of you, and you are made Padawans? When I didn’t?” Obi-Wan wanted to interrupt, but Ousendi was seething now, and there was no stopping her. “And you’re training _together_. Masters hardly ever take on more than one Padawan. Why do you get special treatment, Anakin? You’re not special. You’re not even fit to be a Jedi,” she spat.

“I think the Council made it pretty clear which one of us isn’t fit to be a Jedi,” said Anakin, smoothly and maliciously; he was enjoying this.

Ousendi’s eyes were narrow slits. “The Council made a mistake. You can’t control your emotions or yourself, you corrupt everyone around you. You’re only going to be their downfall.”

“That’s not true,” Obi-Wan cut in, surprising even himself. Ousendi now turned her attention to him.

“How is it not true? Jedi who can’t control their emotions turn to the dark side. It’s in the Code because the Code keeps us in line and away from the dark. It’s what makes us Jedi and you don’t care about it.”

“What makes us Jedi isn’t following the Code, it’s doing what’s right,” Obi-Wan said. “Anakin is a good person, and people can be good without following a set of rules.” He glanced to Anakin, who was smiling at him with a fierce kind of pride.

“You’re wrong,” said Ousendi. “But I guess I won’t be around to see it.” She then promptly spun around and went to sit with Stiong across the room, away from Anakin and Obi-Wan, and they didn’t try to talk to her again.

 

~~~~

 

Obi-Wan knocked on the door of their new double suite.

“Is he in there?” Anakin asked from behind him.

“I don’t know. This was just our room assignment, he might be out somewhere, I haven’t seen him since we were in the chambers,” said Obi-Wan with a shrug.

“Would he leave a note?”

“How should I know?”

“You seem to know everything,” Anakin said, leaning forward to rest his chin on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

“Right. Should we just go in?”

“I mean if it’s not locked, then sure.”

Obi-Wan tested the door handle. “It’s open.”

“Fantastic,” Anakin said, stepping forward to push the door open, then dragging Obi-Wan by the arm inside.

“Ow - Anakin!” Obi-Wan said, tripping over the doorstep as he was pulled forcibly into the room, which was similar to their clan common room, with the addition of a couch.

“Obi-Wan, can you believe this?” Anakin said, and Obi-Wan could feel the pure happiness radiating from him. “We’re going to be Jedi. We’re training together.”

“Yes, but...why?”

Anakin stared at him. “Who cares why?”

“I mean...they saw, they _know_ , and then they didn’t just pass us, but they put us together? When there are plenty of other Knights or Masters without Padawans who could take one of us?” He sat down heavily on the couch, rubbing his temples, and Anakin did so as well.

“Why are you complaining?”

He turned to face Anakin. “I’m not, but it doesn’t make sense. What if Ousendi was right, there had to have been a mistake, no one in their right mind-”

Anakin put his finger to Obi-Wan’s lips. “Shhhhh, shut up.” He made a small noise of protest but Anakin just shook his head. “You’re not going to be able to figure out why. Just accept it. This is the best possible scenario, don’t ruin it by overthinking.”

“I’m not _over_ -”

“Stop thinking at all, Obi-Wan,” he said, moving his hands to cup the sides of Obi-Wan’s face rather roughly. “Please just enjoy something, for once in your life.”

“I’m trying.”

“Good.” Anakin pressed a kiss to his nose briefly, then took his hands off of Obi-Wan, who tried not to feel disappointed.

“But Anakin, everyone else is wondering too. The other Padawans are suspicious of us. The Council should’ve told us why they were doing this.”

“Obi-Wan, why do you care what they think? They don’t matter.” Anakin couldn’t seem to decide what to do with his hands; now they were resting in Obi-Wan’s hair with his elbows propped up on his shoulders. “I don’t care if they’re suspicious, I don’t need them or their approval. I have you.”

Obi-Wan never knew how to respond to Anakin’s sudden declarations of love - he never said the word ‘love’, but that’s what they were. He didn’t know if it was because he had been taught not to have these possessive emotions and thus didn’t know how to speak about them, or because there simply weren’t the words in his vocabulary to express what he was feeling.

“Anakin,” he murmured, lightly stroking the other boy’s cheek with the tips of his fingers. Sighing, Anakin leaned forward to let his forehead rest against Obi-Wan’s.

“I want to stay here forever,” he said, and they were so close that Obi-Wan could feel Anakin’s lips brush against his own as he spoke.

“Forever’s a long time to be in one room.”

He could feel Anakin’s smile. “Don’t care.”

And Obi-Wan realized that he could stay here forever, too. There was an entire galaxy outside, but if Anakin was here, that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


	6. Nothing New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr) who is the best beta & all around human ever and also a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk-ox and I love her.

Obi-Wan awoke very early the next day to the sound of the door opening. Startled, he jerked his head up to see who it was, and promptly slammed into Anakin’s chin.

“Ow!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I was sleeping,” groaned Anakin, rubbing his chin.

“Hello, my young Padawans,” said a voice from the door and Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at each other, wide-eyed. They had both been so tired the night before that they hadn’t bothered going to their dormitory and just fell asleep on the couch, Obi-Wan using Anakin’s chest as a pillow.

Obi-Wan struggled to peer over the back of the couch, leaning his elbow on Anakin for support. “Hello, Master Qui-Gon.”

“I see you found your way here without me, that’s good.”

“Yes,” said Obi-Wan.

There was an incredibly awkward silence for a few seconds, as both Anakin and Obi-Wan wondered if Qui-Gon would address their current situation, but he did not.

“Well, I suggest you take a few minutes to get ready and meet me back here to begin your training.”

“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan waited until Qui-Gon had entered his own room to let out a sigh of relief. Letting his head fall back on Anakin’s chest, he said, “I can’t believe he didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe he couldn’t see us,” Anakin reasoned. “I mean, the couch is facing the other way.”

“Maybe,” Obi-Wan said vaguely, though he didn’t believe it.

They lay there in silence for a few seconds before Anakin said, “We should probably get ready.”

“Yeah.” Obi-Wan tried to get up in some kind of organized fashion, but it was hard when he was lying almost entirely on top of Anakin, and he just ended up toppling gracelessly off the couch and onto the floor as Anakin laughed at him.

When they had changed into their Padawan robes and returned the common room, Qui-Gon was already waiting for them to begin training.

They soon found that Padawan training was very different than youngling training. For starters, they didn’t spend all their time in the same wing of the Jedi Temple. Their first week they were with Qui-Gon on a starship, learning the controls and history of starships while making periodic stops at planets for Qui-Gon to speak to various overseers of the different Jedi Service Corps, then transmitting any news back to the Temple. It would’ve been boring had it not been so surreal to Obi-Wan to even be here training to be a Jedi; and of course, if Anakin were not with him.

On the fourth day, when they were flying from Delphon to Bavva, Qui-Gon told Anakin to try piloting their ship. Anakin sat down at the controls and Obi-Wan stood behind him, watching over his shoulder to see what he would do.

“So remember before you start moving-” Qui-Gon began, but Anakin cut him off.

“I know, I know.” He began moving the buttons and dials the way Qui-Gon had shown them and soon they had taken off. Obi-Wan may have been slightly worried before about Anakin flying a ship after just three days of learning, but any doubt he had vanished less than a minute after they left the ground.

Anakin seemed like he had been flying starships all his life. There was no jerking, no sharp turns, no turbulence. Just like when he fought with a lightsaber, the ship became him, and he flew the same way he did everything; gracefully and as if he had been born for that purpose. When they had left Delphon’s atmosphere, he expertly flipped the ship around so they could see the planet from above.

“Wow,” Obi-Wan breathed.

“I am pretty great,” Anakin agreed.

“I meant the planet,” Obi-Wan said, smacking Anakin’s arm, but he really hadn’t, and Anakin knew it.

 

~~~~

 

Years later, what Obi-Wan would remember of his time as a Padawan wasn’t the training or the missions or the fighting, but the little things. Predictably, most of these memories had to do with Anakin.

At one point, six months after they’d begun training, Qui-Gon sent the two Padawans on a short errand to the Great Jedi Library, to find a book on the history of the Selonian people for some Jedi Council-related purpose.

“Do you need any help?” asked Master Jocasta Nu, the chief librarian.

“No thank you,” said Obi-Wan, and she nodded and left them.

“Nice, but now what do we do if we actually need to find that book?” Anakin asked.

“I know where to find it,” said Obi-Wan, affronted.

“The history section?” said Anakin, grinning.

“Well, yeah.”

“I think you just wanted time alone,” said Anakin, yanking Obi-Wan aside to a row of books that was not the history section.

“You’re incredibly self-absorbed.”

“Am I?” Anakin whispered, pulling Obi-Wan close so their noses were touching.

“Yes,” he murmured, closing his eyes almost automatically. There was a pause, then he came to his senses and said, “But we need to find that book or Qui-Gon will wonder what took us so long.”

“Do we have to?” Anakin groaned, entwining his fingers with Obi-Wan’s tightly.

“Yes,” he said, wrestling his hands away from Anakin’s grip and making his way towards the history shelves. Fortunately they were organized alphabetically so he found the ‘S’ shelves and began reading the spines of the books, looking for Selonian, while Anakin stood behind him and wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan’s shoulders unhelpfully.

“Anakin, we’ll get this done a lot faster if you don’t do that,” he pointed out.

“Why would I want to get this done faster?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

It was silent for a few minutes, except for Anakin’s breathing in Obi-Wan’s ear, until he found what they’d been looking for.

“Got it!”

“Ugh, finally,” said Anakin, releasing Obi-Wan from his grip.

“You could’ve helped,” he said accusingly.

“I’d rather watch you.” Anakin turned Obi-Wan around to kiss him, but at that very moment, Master Jocasta appeared in the corner of Obi-Wan’s eye, having just entered this aisle to reshelve a book. Anakin’s eyes were closed and he did not see; in a panic, Obi-Wan shoved the copy of _The History Known of the Selonian People_ in between their faces.

“What the-” Anakin’s eyes opened in shock as he pulled his head back to see he had kissed a book.

“Hello, Master Nu,” said Obi-Wan too loudly, waving to her.

“Hello, Padawans,” she responded, staring at them but not saying any more.

“We found our book. We’ll be going now.”

“Bring it to the desk to be checked out then.”

“Right, yes. Will do.”

He and Anakin followed her to the front desk of the library as she silently checked out their book.

“Thank you Master Nu,” said Obi-Wan as they left, but she did not respond. As soon as they were out of the library he let out a long breath.

“That was close,” said Anakin.

“That’s why you need to learn to control yourself in public.”

“Self-control is overrated.”

“I’m sure,” Obi-Wan said, rolling his eyes.

He wasn’t sure how they had managed to not get caught for as long as they had, but he figured the Council already knew and was just hoping the situation resolved itself, because they turned a blind eye to things like Anakin hugging Obi-Wan a bit too much and the amount of time it took them to do anything when they were sent somewhere together. Until about a year later, however, when their relationship was forced into the light.

They were in the suite common room, Obi-Wan sitting in an armchair trying to read a book, and Anakin lying across his lap, his head hanging upside down over the edge of the chair, talking absentmindedly about whatever he could think of while Obi-Wan just nodded and made sounds of agreement every so often.

“Seriously is there an intergalactic droid registry? Because there should be. I bet there’s tons of droids who have the same name.”

“Mhm.”

“Are you listening to me?”

“Kind of.”

Anakin sat up abruptly, his forehead smacking into Obi-Wan’s nose. “You should, because-”

“Anakin, you hit me,” Obi-Wan interrupted, rubbing his nose in pain.

“Oh, sorry.”

Obi-Wan tried to glare at him as angrily as possible.

“Here, I’ll make it better.” He kissed Obi-Wan’s nose gently. “There you go.”

“That didn’t help.”

“Would this?” He moved his mouth from Obi-Wan’s nose to his lips, but before Obi-Wan could even respond in kind, the door to the common room swung open.

All three of them froze for a few drawn out seconds; for some reason, neither Anakin or Obi-Wan thought to separate themselves to make what they were doing less obvious.

“Well,” said Qui-Gon finally, “I guess this is nothing new.”

“What?” Obi-Wan said, breaking away from Anakin.

Qui-Gon sighed and ambled over to sit down on the couch adjacent to them. Obi-Wan tried to nudge Anakin off of him, but he didn’t seem to get the hint. “Obviously, your relationship is - not one condoned by the Jedi Order. There are rules put in place for a reason, and by the law, anyone with attachment so strong cannot be a Jedi.”

Obi-Wan’s throat went dry. “What are you saying?”

Another pause. “Nothing. You will not be reprimanded for this.”

“Wait - what?” He glanced at Anakin, whose eyes were wide in amazement. “Why? I mean not that I’m complaining, but why?”

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and laced his fingers together. “Because - because the Jedi Code cannot dictate every aspect of our lives. The Masters who made the laws long ago could not possibly have foreseen every situation. I believe the two of you can handle this.”

“You - you do?” Obi-Wan asked; Anakin still seemed dumbstruck.

“Yes. Not everyone will share my point of view, however, so I ask you to be substantially more discreet when you’re in the Jedi Temple.”

He nodded. “Yes. I - yes, Master. Thank you.”

Qui-Gon just curtly nodded and stood up to go back to his own chambers. As soon as the door had snicked shut, Anakin seemed to come back to life.

“Obi-Wan, can you believe this?” he said, running his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair. “One more person we don’t have to worry about.”

“Yeah, it’s great.”

“Why aren’t you excited?” Anakin huffed, settling his head in the crook of Obi-Wan’s neck with his arm around his shoulder.

“I am, it’s just weird. I mean - why is he okay with this?”

“He just explained why.”

“But - what about the Council? Do they agree with him? We still can’t be sure that they know at all. Maybe they don’t, maybe Master Qui-Gon is disobeying them,” he pointed out.

“Ugh, you think too much,” Anakin groaned, then tilted his head to try to kiss the underside of Obi-Wan’s chin. “It’s a miracle he even agrees with us, let’s just leave it at that.”

“Miracles don’t exist,” Obi-Wan muttered.

“Yeah, well fate does,” said Anakin stubbornly. “It’s my fate to love you. They can’t take that away and they know it.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Obi-Wan said affectionately.

“I will if you shut up with your questions.”

“Fine.” There was a long pause. “And I love you too.”

Anakin looked up at him and smiled with all the light of the sun.

 

~~~~

 

“Are you sure he can be trusted with a mission by himself like this?” asked Obi-Wan.

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan, who was tapping his foot and staring intently at the holoprojector, his arms crossed. “Yes, I believe he can.”

Anakin was currently in a starship on his way to Kessel, a planet often fought over for its valuable spice mines, which was currently being invaded by a crime lord known as Kruoit. The army was small and Anakin was accompanied by a whole Republic Army battalion, but Obi-Wan couldn’t help but worry.

After another agonizing twenty minutes, wherein Obi-Wan paced around the room and Qui-Gon left and only stopped in periodically to see if there was any news, a hologram appeared on the the projector.

“Master Qui-Gon?”

“Anakin!”

“Obi-Wan!” A smile spread across Anakin’s holographic face.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, his hands gripping the edge of the projector table.

“Yes, it’s fine. We just landed, I’m only checking in.”

“Okay. Are you going into their base now?”

“Yes, and I can’t talk, we’ve gotta go. I’ll only contact you again if something goes wrong. Tell Qui-Gon we’ve landed.”

“I will.” The projector shut off again and Obi-Wan sighed.

“Was that Anakin?” asked Qui-Gon, popping his head into the room.

“Yes, they landed on Kessel and they’re heading to Kruoit’s base now.”

He nodded. “Good. Let me know if there’s any more news.” And he exited again, leaving Obi-Wan to his thoughts and the quiet hum of the now-lifeless holoprojector.

He knew Anakin would be fine, of course; it was hardly an impossible mission and he was an incredibly skilled warrior, so surely if there was any trouble he could get out of it. And after about half an hour, he started to get bored, and was only lying on the ground for a minute before he fell asleep.

The sky outside had gotten dark by the time footsteps in the hallway shaking the floor brought Obi-Wan back to consciousness. Unsure of how much time had passed, he jumped up and ran to the hall where he saw Qui-Gon and two medical droids moving quickly towards the landing area.

“What’s going on?” he asked, racing to catch up with them.

“Anakin’s battalion has just returned,” said Qui-Gon.

“Then why the medical droids?” Obi-Wan asked, fearing the answer.

“It didn’t go quite as planned,” he responded. “Kruoit had a lot more troops than had previously been reported.”

Obi-Wan stopped breathing for a second. “More? How many more?”

“I don’t know, Obi-Wan.” By this time, they had reached the docking bay and Obi-Wan went sprinting ahead of Qui-Gon, searching for Anakin among the Republic soldiers filtering off of their ships.

“Anakin?” he called uncertainly.

“You looking for Commander Skywalker?” asked a Republic soldier near him.

“I - yeah.” Hearing Anakin referred to as “Commander Skywalker” was odd.

“He went MIA a little before we left,” the soldier said grimly. “No one’s heard from him.”

Obi-Wan felt like his heart had fallen to the floor. “What?”

“We fought our way to Kruoit but then more men appeared and we were overwhelmed. Skywalker called for a retreat, but when we got out of the base, he wasn’t there. There was no way to get back in for him so we had to flee.”

“Is someone going back for him now?” Obi-Wan asked through gritted teeth.

“Not that I know of, but I-”

“Why isn’t someone going back for him?” he repeated, raising his voice.

“We haven’t yet had time-”

“What are you doing here then?”

“Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan spun around aggressively to face Qui-Gon. “Master, they can’t just leave him there,” he began heatedly, but Qui-Gon cut him off.

“They’re not leaving him there. Republic forces will return tomorrow led by myself and Master Luminara to finish the mission and find Anakin.”

“Tomorrow?” he said in disbelief.

“Tomorrow.”

Before he could think of anything else to argue, Qui-Gon had gone back to helping the soldiers and medical droids, leaving Obi-Wan feeling suddenly very out of place and alone in the midst of the crowd.

 

~~~~

 

Obi-Wan found it especially difficult to sleep that night. He hadn’t slept in a room alone, without Anakin, for years. Usually they would talk before going to bed, and Anakin always passed out first so Obi-Wan could let the sound of his steady breathing soothe him to sleep. But tonight, the room was uncomfortably quiet, and Obi-Wan couldn’t seem to even close his eyes.

When he finally did doze off, he found himself dreaming of all the worst possible outcomes of tomorrow’s mission to Kessel, and waking up frantically more than once, thinking what he had seen was real.

Morning finally came, and Obi-Wan felt like he’d been up all night. When he stepped into the common room, Qui-Gon was already heading out.

“We’re leaving for Kessel in a few minutes, Obi-Wan,” he said. “We should be back within six hours.”

Six hours? Obi-Wan couldn’t wait six hours on edge here.

Sensing his frustration, Qui-Gon added, “We’ll have Anakin with us when we return, I promise you.”

Obi-Wan just sighed heavily and flopped down on the couch. “Goodbye, Master.”

“Goodbye Obi-Wan.”

The door shut and Obi-Wan just stared at the ceiling for a bit. Had they left yet? When would they be at Kessel? Would Qui-Gon be giving him updates? Of course he wouldn’t, he hadn’t said anything about it. But why not? Couldn’t he see Obi-Wan needed to know? Did he really have to wait six hours to find out what had happened?

He rolled over so his face was pressed into the cushion. Where was Anakin right now? Was he hiding? Had he been captured? Was he injured? Was he too hurt to move? Had he been shot by a droid? Did Kruoit personally attack him? Was he lying on the ground somewhere in a pool of blood?

Obi-Wan wanted to smack himself. He couldn’t think of these things. What was Anakin thinking right now? Was he wondering why his troops had left? Why his friends had abandoned him? Did he know help was on the way? Was he planning an escape? Was he thinking about Obi-Wan too?

It seemed to Obi-wan that a few hours had passed already, but the sun in the sky had barely moved all so he knew he still had a long time to wait. After a little while, he got up and left the suite, deciding he needed some fresh air to clear his head.

Stepping out of the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan had to shield his eyes from the Coruscant sunlight. He had been in that suite far too long.

He tried taking a walk, thinking it would distract him, but found no success. He was near the top levels of of the city, wandering the skylane sidewalks and looking for something interesting to captivate his attention. The urban sprawl that covered most of Coruscant glittered like the planet was made of diamonds, and usually Obi-Wan would greatly appreciate how the light looked beaming off the architecture on the upper levels, but today he couldn’t seem to even look at it. Pacing the same four blocks for about an hour, he only stared at the ground below, and almost ran straight into a few pedestrians.

He returned to the Temple after a while, but didn’t know what to do when he was there, and just wandered aimlessly until he ran into someone he knew.

“Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan turned to see Stiong smiling and waving at him. “Hi.”

“How have you been?” Stiong asked, taking a few strides so they were in front of Obi-Wan.

“I’m alright,” he said absently.

“You going to lunch now?”

Obi-Wan stared at them for a second then looked to his left and realized they both were standing in front of the entrance to the dining hall.

“Oh. No, I’m not.” He realized he hadn’t eaten since Anakin’s battalion had returned.

“Well, I’ll uh, see you around,” said Stiong.

“Yeah.” Obi-Wan continued walking throughout the temple until he reached the library. There were thousands of books here, he had to be able to find something entertaining.

He wandered around the shelves for a while, picking out a few texts and thumbing through them then returning them to their places. Obi-Wan felt like he had been there for days, when there was a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around and saw no one for a second, then someone moving appeared in the corner of his eye and with quick reflexes, Obi-Wan reached out to grab whoever it was by the arm.

“Obi-Wan!”

He stared, mouth gaping in shock. “Anakin?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re alright?”

“I’m alive.”

“You’re - you’re alive!” It hit him all at once, and Obi-Wan seized Anakin roughly by the shoulders and kissed him.

“Were you worried?” Anakin asked, and Obi-Wan shook his head only slightly, still not letting his lips leave Anakin’s. “You seem like you were worried.”

“Shut up,” he mumbled, biting Anakin’s lower lip to try to get him to stop talking.

Anakin just laughed, and Obi-Wan finally broke away.

“What happened?”

“The squadron left, but Kruoit thought I went with them so I just hid out in the ventilation.”

“You were hiding?”

“I was planning a surprise attack, actually,” said Anakin with a grin.

“Are you hurt?”

“Just a few scrapes, I’m fine. What did you do here while I was gone?”

“Oh, I…” Obi-Wan trailed off, not sure how to explain what he had been doing for the past almost twenty four hours. It was Anakin he was talking to, of course, but he was still embarrassed at how he’d reacted. This was one of the reasons Jedi were warned against attachment, so they wouldn’t go insane with worry like that. They were supposed to keep a clear head. “I walked around the city a bit, and I’ve been here for a while.” He glanced at Anakin for a second, then saw his concerned eyes and everything else came tumbling out before he could stop himself. “It was awful, Anakin, I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t sleep, I yelled at a soldier for telling me what had happened, I snapped at Master Qui-Gon, I’m a disgrace of a Jedi-”

“Shhhhh,” said Anakin, placing a hand on the side of Obi-Wan’s face gently. “It’s okay. I would’ve been a lot worse in your position.”

Obi-Wan just buried his head in Anakin’s neck, as the taller boy ran his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair soothingly. “I thought you were dead.”

Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan almost protectively, placing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m not,” he said. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

 

~~~~

 

Anakin was sixteen and Obi-Wan was seventeen when they went on a mission to Borleias without Qui-Gon. It was a simple mission (Anakin called it “housekeeping”); every year Borleias was hit with a meteor shower, and this time it had hit their capital and done some damage. The two Padawans were to oversee repairs, but most of the grunt work was being done by the AgriCorps, so by the end of the week, there was not much left for either of them to do. Borleias was known for its beautiful jungles and beaches, however, so Obi-Wan suggested they spend the day on the Kreann Seafront a few miles from the city.

“Do we need any sort of protection from the sun, do you think?” Obi-Wan said as they stepped onto the hot sand. “You know, so we don’t get burned?”

“I don’t know. It won’t kill us, at any rate.”

“Probably should’ve asked one of the locals. Is there anyone around who would know?” he said, shielding his eyes to look up and down the beach.

“They’re not even human, I doubt they would know how their sun affects us.”

“Well there’s no one here anyway so I guess we’ll take our chances.” It occurred to Obi-Wan that with repairs still going on, the beach would probably be empty the entire day. This would be their first chance to be completely alone in a long time; with constant missions and training and crowded places, Obi-Wan never really had the chance to just _be_ with Anakin.

Anakin shrugged off his robe and dropped it on the sand along with his lightsaber and boots. When Obi-Wan saw that he was wearing his regular dark colored Jedi outfit, he laughed.

“What?”

“Anakin, you do realize how hot it is, right? And it’s not even noon yet. You’re going to get heat stroke.”

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan’s lightweight pale tunic then said dismissively, “Colors don’t give someone heat stroke.”

“Thick black fabric does.”

“Well I’m going to be in the water so it won’t matter.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. Now come on,” Anakin said, grabbing Obi-Wan’s wrist and running to the water, his eyes bright with excitement.

“Anakin - slow down!” Obi-Wan protested, tripping slightly in his attempt to keep up with Anakin, but he did not slow down and continued to drag Obi-Wan all the way to the edge of the ocean. “Wait, I don’t want to get in the water yet.”

Anakin sighed and stopped, turning to face Obi-Wan and taking his other hand. “I’ll carry you if you can’t swim.”

“No, I can swim.”

“Then come _on_ ,” he said, backing up into the waves and pulling Obi-Wan with him, who reluctantly followed him until they were standing in barely two feet of cold seawater. “This isn’t so bad.”

“No, it’s not.”

“The water’s a little chilly, though,” Anakin remarked, glancing around at it. “But hey, that’s why I wore thick black fabric.”

“Is it really?”

“Yeah.”

Obi-Wan nodded a few times, then took his hands away from Anakin’s to push him over and into the water.

“Hey!” Anakin spluttered, landing with a splash as Obi-Wan doubled over in laughter. “That was rude,” he said, teeth chattering slightly.

“So was forcing me to get in the water,” said Obi-Wan.

“I didn’t _force_ you,” said Anakin, smirking, then sat up and narrowed his eyes to focus on Obi-Wan for a second.

“What are you-”

He couldn’t finish the sentence because he suddenly felt himself falling forward, landing on top of Anakin with his palms on the seafloor on either side of him to brace the impact.

“ _Now_ I _forced_ you.”

“Was that - was that a pun?” Obi-Wan said, trying to get up but having a difficult time of it without flipping over to be completely submerged in the water.

“Mhm,” said Anakin, reaching out to hold the collar of Obi-Wan’s tunic and pull him in for a hungry kiss. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, tasting Anakin’s breath, warm and sweet. The other boy’s tongue traced across his lips tentatively and Obi-Wan opened his mouth with a low moan. Almost instinctively, he put his hand on the back of Anakin’s head to tangle his fingers in his now-wet hair; he didn’t realize, however that he couldn’t balance on one hand with Anakin still holding onto him, and they both went under the water with a splash.

Obi-Wan started to laugh but stopped when he inhaled a bit of seawater, then Anakin pushed him upward so they both resurfaced.

“You okay?”

Coughing, Obi-Wan said, “Fine.”

Anakin went in to kiss him again but Obi-Wan turned his head so he got his cheek. “The water is freezing, can we please get out first?”

“Sure,” said Anakin almost before he finished talking, standing then helping Obi-Wan up too, even though he didn’t need help. “It’s still cold,” Anakin complained as they walked back onto the shore.

“That’s because your clothes are still wet,” Obi-Wan said factually, not fully registering the side-eye Anakin gave him, and continuing towards where he had discarded his cloak earlier. He began to put his cloak on, then noticed his friend had disappeared.

Obi-Wan turned around to see Anakin some ten feet behind him, currently stripping off his tunic.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why are you taking off your clothes?”

“You said that was why I was cold. But I’ll keep my pants on, if you want,” said Anakin, strolling towards him.

“Please do.”

Anakin pouted and laced his fingers in between Obi-Wan’s, nestling his head on his shoulder. After a moment, he said, “It’s so nice to be away from everyone else. Away from the Jedi.”

“It is,” Obi-Wan agreed. “We don’t have to worry about anyone seeing.”

“I wish it could be like all the time. Just the two of us, on a beach. No missions, no Masters, no Republic.” His breath tickled the hair on Obi-Wan’s neck as he spoke.

“I think you’d get bored.”

“I could never get bored,” said Anakin, pressing his lips to Obi-Wan’s collarbone then lifting his head to look at him head-on. “Not when you’re here.”

Obi-Wan gazed at Anakin for a moment, drinking him in; with his matted hair, sunburned cheeks, and the sun glaring off his bare chest, Obi-Wan didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful in his life.

“Me neither,” he admitted.

 

~~~~

 

Qui-Gon was in a Council meeting, so Obi-Wan and Anakin decided to do something productive for once and went to the practice area to work on lightsaber sparring. They began their first round, and today was a particularly good day for Obi-Wan, it seemed, since within a minute Anakin’s lightsaber had fallen out of his hand and he was lying on the ground, very obviously defeated.

In a last attempt to win the fight though, Anakin sat up, reached out his arm, and moved his finger just slightly, and Obi-Wan’s lightsaber turned off.

“What?” he spluttered, staring at it in shock.

Anakin threw his head back and erupted into laughter.

“Did you just turn my lightsaber off with the Force?”

“Maybe,” said Anakin.

“That is - a gross misuse of the Force.”

Anakin smirked. “Hmm. You know what else is a gross misuse of the Force?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Anakin, I don’t want to-”

But he stopped talking when he felt hands gripping his shoulders, and looked to see that was no one there.

“What-”

Next he felt the hands move down his back, and Anakin was still sitting there a few feet in front of him, smiling deviously.

“Anakin, are you-” Obi-Wan audibly gasped when invisible lips began kissing his neck and collarbones. “Anakin.”

Rather suddenly, he could feel Anakin’s entire body pressed against his, mouth sucking on his neck, nails digging into his back. “Anakin!” He was grinding into his hips and Obi-Wan couldn’t suppress a moan, and Anakin was still just _sitting there_ , delighted at watching him squirm.

“Every Force-user - who’s ever lived - is _rolling -_ in their grave right now,” he choked out, as phantom kisses started moving down from his chest. “You need to _stop_.”

“Okay, I will,” said Anakin, standing up, and the presence surrounding Obi-Wan began to disappear.

“That was - _ridiculous_ \- Anakin, if anyone had come out here while you were doing that-”

“That would’ve been even better,” said Anakin, laughing and taking a few steps to stand in front of him.

“ _Better?_ ”

“Oh, definitely. I’d have a lot of fun doing things to you while you try to remain completely calm in front of someone else,” he responded in a low voice, pressing one hand to Obi-Wan’s chest, right above where his heart was beating rapidly.

Obi-Wan felt heat creeping through his body and said, breathlessly, “Please never do that.”

“You’d love it,” said Anakin with a wicked grin that made Obi-Wan’s head spin.

“I would _not_ ,” he lied.

“Well okay.” Anakin leaned in until he was close enough to Obi-Wan to press his lips to his ear and whisper, “But if you want, I can do that without the Force.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene when they're in the library and Obi-Wan puts a book in Anakin's face was inspired by [this fanart](http://javvie.deviantart.com/art/i-tried-to-draw-them-kissing-584050187) by Javvie ([DeviantArt](http://javvie.deviantart.com/) | [Tumblr](http://blog.javvie.com/)), it's amazing and is actually the very image that made me ship obikin in the first place so:  
>   
>   
> Thank you for reading & for your feedback (I'm loving all of it so far, literally nothing is better for a fanfiction author than when people analyze their writing). also if you want you can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


	7. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Fate? No one alive has ever escaped it, neither brave man nor coward, I tell you - it’s born with us the day that we are born.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr), my savior, light of my life, my sun

Life was not constant, was what the Padawans soon learned. Obi-Wan couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment that the tension among the Jedi and seemingly the entire planet of Coruscant increased tenfold, but it certainly did happen, and with no explanation.

Far too often, Qui-Gon would go on solo missions, not telling Obi-Wan or Anakin where he was going, and return a week or so later with an even more grave expression than when he had left. Obi-Wan felt like they hardly ever trained anymore, because not only was Qui-Gon leaving them at the Temple with no supervision when he went off, but there seemed to be Council meetings every day that stretched long hours. What could they possibly be talking about in there for that long? He had asked Anakin, but he didn’t seem to know either.

Obi-Wan couldn’t complain too much, of course, because if no one was paying attention to them then he had a lot more time alone with Anakin. But he began to wonder if that was worth not getting any training for weeks at a time.

Anakin said that they didn’t need Qui-Gon to train, that they could still get practice alone at the Temple. Practice sparring, though, felt almost pointless. Of course he could fight Anakin, because he could  _ feel  _ Anakin. Their bond that had been discovered the night before the trials hadn’t faded at all, just grown stronger in their years together. Qui-Gon didn’t mention it that much, only to tell one or the other to use the bond to fight or communicate when they were on a mission. This surprised Obi-Wan at first; if they had such a significant link, why wouldn’t they be taught how to use it more? Maybe, he thought, it was because it was all but forbidden by the Jedi. He still remained suspicious, though, because it seemed unlikely that Qui-Gon didn’t notice the significance of the tie between them - Obi-Wan felt like he could almost see it whenever Anakin was in the room - and surely it could help them in battle. There had to be a reason they weren’t being taught more about it, but he pushed this from his mind so many times that he had almost forgotten the worry altogether.

At meals, sometimes, they spoke to a few other Padawans, some they knew from their days in the Uphreos Clan. Everyone had noticed the same thing; the Masters were gone more often, not taking their Padawans, the Council had many more meetings than seemed necessary, and a few had told them the Senators too were more on edge than ever. No one knew why.

“I asked Master Windu and he almost clapped my ears,” Stiong noted. Obi-Wan and Anakin had begun sitting with Stiong some days; without Ousendi there, they soon found they got along rather well with them. “He’s been really stressed lately. Said it’s Council business, Padawans aren’t to know.”

“What could they be doing that’s so secretive they can’t even tell their Padawans? We should be the first to know. This is the stuff we’re training for, after all,” Anakin pointed out.

“I don’t know,” Stiong admitted. “But it has something to do with the Republic. Might be a political thing.”

“Like what? The Jedi seceding from the Republic? What could make them act like this?”

“The Jedi wouldn’t secede from the Rebublic,” Obi-Wan said derisively.

“I was exaggerating,” Anakin snapped.

“Whatever.”

Stiong glanced between the two, and Obi-Wan suddenly felt ashamed. The agitation in the Masters and the Senators seemed to be spreading to them now as well.

“It’s probably a big Senate decision that somehow involves the Jedi. Might just be a law or something about how the Jedi are to be used by the Republic,” Obi-Wan continued, trying to bring them back to a peaceful discussion.

It worked, but no more answers could be found, and they left the dining hall more confused than when they had arrived.

“I feel like everything’s changing,” said Anakin that night, as they sat in opposite chairs in the common room.

“It is,” Obi-Wan agreed.

“Why?”

“Jedi business.”

Anakin gave a half-hearted laugh, then shook his head. “Not just with the Jedi and the Senate. With Qui-Gon. With training. With us. With our lives.”

Obi-Wan just gazed at him silently, wishing he knew the answer, and could tell Anakin what was wrong, and exactly how to fix it. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even find any words of comfort to give, and he couldn’t get up to hug Anakin and tell him everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn’t. Everything really was changing.

 

~~~~

 

“Where is Master Yoda?” barked Bail Organa.

Obi-Wan had been walking to the dining hall with Anakin when he heard the voice and turned around.

“Greetings, Senator,” he said, bowing his head politely.

“Is Master Yoda here?”

“Not at the moment, I’m sorry.”

Bail sighed in frustration, putting his hand to his forehead.

“Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, this is a matter for the Jedi Council,” he said, holding up his hands. “And you two are…?”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, sir.”

“Anakin Skywalker.”

He nodded then said briskly, “It’s nice to meet you, but I need to speak to someone from the Council. It’s urgent.”

“Our Master is on the Council, we could take you to him,” Anakin offered.

“Please do.”

Anakin and Obi-Wan exchanged a slightly worried glance as they led Bail Organa back to their suite where they had left Qui-Gon meditating; when a senator was at the Jedi Temple, it was always because there was a problem. If he was unexpected, the problem had to be worse.

Reaching the suite, Obi-Wan rapped on the door then listened for movement.

“Hello?” The door opened to reveal Qui-Gon with a mug of tea and no shoes on.

“Master Jinn,” said Bail with a bow, “I’m sorry to bother you but this is a pressing matter. I would’ve liked to speak to the Council, but I understand-”

“Yes, come in, Senator,” said Qui-Gon, gesturing him inside.

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin, unsure if they were to follow.

“You may come in as well,” Qui-Gon added, and they did.

“If you don’t mind my saying, Master Jinn,” Bail said hesitantly, “this is not public information yet. It is your decision, of course, but your Padawans are going to be here, they must keep everything in strict confidence.”

“I trust they will keep all that is said between themselves only,” said Qui-Gon, sitting down in the armchair across from Bail Organa.

“Very well,” he said, suddenly flustered. “As you know, I am a senator of Naboo. I am here because - because the Separatists have made another move, a bold one, and I wasn’t sure who else to go to besides the Jedi.” Another move? What moves had they made before? Was this what the Padawans had been shut out of, the Separatists striking out at the Republic? And they didn’t think the Padawans should know?

“What is it, Senator?” Qui-Gon asked, his tone wary.

“They’ve taken Queen Amidala of Naboo as a prisoner.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened as he turned to Anakin, both remembering the last time they saw Queen Amidala of Naboo, when they were Initiates and had followed her to the Council chambers. Immeasurably beautiful and wise, she had entranced young Anakin and Obi-Wan, and no doubt had the same effect on others.

Qui-Gon took a long time to respond. “What do they want with her?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I went to the Jedi before the Senate, I was hoping you would have insights on why and what to do.”

“They want to provoke us,” said Obi-Wan before he could stop himself. Qui-Gon and Bail stared at him as though they had forgotten he was there until just now. “I - I’m sorry for speaking out of turn.”

“No, go on, Obi-Wan,” said Qui-Gon.

He hesitated. “It’s just - Queen Amidala is respected by everyone. The Senate, the Jedi, her people - they love her. She’s a face of the Republic. By kidnapping her, they’re making a statement.”

“A statement that they’re gaining power,” said Qui-Gon, nodding. “And that they have no respect for the Republic at all. They can do whatever they want.”

“Will they hurt her?” asked Bail, sounding almost nervous to hear the answer.

“I don’t know. But if this is a declaration of power, you should bring it to the Senate immediately,” said Qui-Gon.

“I will,” said Bail, standing up and shaking Qui-Gon’s hand. “Thank you for your counsel, Master Qui-Gon. And Obi-Wan,” he added.

“Might I accompany you to the Senate? We can send word at once for an emergency meeting to be called,” Qui-Gon suggested.

“Yes, good idea.”

When the senator had left with Qui-Gon, Anakin moved to sit down on the couch. “What does this mean?”

“I don’t know. I suppose the Senate will decide how to proceed from here,” said Obi-Wan, joining him.

“Do you think they’ll go to war?”

“Why would they go to war?” Obi-Wan asked, bewildered.

“You said it yourself. The Separatists are making a power play. A civil war has been a long time coming, and now they’ve outright provoked the Republic first, so they’ve got an excuse.”

Obi-Wan just stared at him.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t think you paid this much attention to government affairs.”

“I’m offended,” he said, putting his hand over his heart.

“Sorry.”

“Well I didn’t know you were such a wayward Padawan. Speaking out of turn?” Anakin said with mock disapproval.

“Shut up,” said Obi-Wan, his face starting to turn red. “They said it was okay.”

“Because what you said was right. They wouldn’t have thought of it without you.” He leaned back on the couch and pulled Obi-Wan with him, putting his head on the other boy’s shoulder.

“Hm. Thanks,” Obi-Wan said absentmindedly, reaching his hand up to stroke Anakin’s hair, more out of habit than anything.

“So back to what I was saying. Do you think there’ll be a war?”

“I don’t know. Some leaders think we should’ve attacked the Separatists long ago. And if the Republic wanted to do that, this would be a perfect time, since the abduction of Queen Amidala will generate a lot of sympathy from the people.”

“They might not get that chance again,” Anakin agreed.

“Would  _ we _ have to go to war?” he wondered.

“Probably. I mean, the Republic has an army, and there’s rumors they’ve been building another one, but they need the Jedi for a victory against the Separatists, especially if there really is a Sith Lord behind it all,” Anakin pointed out.

“If the Sith are behind this, do they have Queen Amidala?”

“I guess they would.”

“They wouldn’t let their most important prisoner be guarded by anyone less than a Sith Lord.”

“No, they wouldn’t.”

He nodded, continuing to caress Anakin’s hair as a way to calm himself. “I can’t imagine what it would be like if the entire Republic was at war.”

“I don’t know how long they could stay at war, the Republic troops aren’t very large,” Anakin mused.

“You mentioned something about another army, though.”

“I just heard rumors. Someone said that was where Yoda went. He’s been gone for two weeks, no one usually goes anywhere that long that’s not a routine mission.”

“Would Qui-Gon know?”

Anakin shrugged. “Probably. But he couldn’t tell us.”

“I suppose.”

Obi-Wan looked down at the top of Anakin’s head and wondered what their lives would be like if there really was a war, if they had to fight. It wasn’t as if their lives as Jedi right now were anything close to safe, but if they were going out to battle every day, there was a much higher chance one of them could be injured or killed. The thought of watching Anakin leave on a dangerous mission fighting Sith enemies and not knowing if he’d come back made Obi-Wan shudder internally.

Although, would they be fighting together? Probably, since their Force-bond made them a much more formidable opponent together than apart. And anyway, Obi-Wan didn’t think he would let himself be separated from Anakin no matter who told him to.

 

~~~~

 

Obi-Wan and Anakin awoke in the middle of the night to loud talking in the hallway, followed by heavy, urgent footsteps, then the slam of the door to the suite. Obi-Wan sat bolt upright in bed, scrambling for his lightsaber, and Anakin was already on his feet.

“What’s going on?” Anakin hissed.

“I don’t know, let’s go see.” He ignited his lightsaber and they both crept out the door into the common room. The room was dark even with the glow of their lightsabers but his eyes adjusted quickly and he could make out a shape rushing out of Qui-Gon’s room.

“Master?”

“Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon had, apparently, been the one to slam the door. This was unnerving; their Master was not usually one for displays of aggression, no Jedi was.

“What’s going on?” he called through the darkness.

“I have to go to a Council meeting. The Senate just voted on a war.”

“They -  _ what? _ ” Obi-Wan looked at Anakin for support, his head spinning.

“Yes, and I have to leave. Go back to sleep. I will tell you what happened in the morning.”

“But Master,” Anakin began.

“Go to sleep, there is nothing you can do.” And before either of them could argue any further, Qui-Gon had left again, slamming the door a bit more quietly this time.

 

~~~~

 

When Qui-Gon entered the Jedi Council Chambers, he was the last one to arrive, which was not uncommon for him. For the first time in his memory, however, the Council was in chaos.

Mace Windu was on his feet, arguing heatedly with Plo Koon, but they were speaking over each other so it was hard to make out what was being discussed. Adi Gallia was sitting in her chair, talking animatedly with her hands to no one in particular, while everyone else was just muttering to each other or trying to separate Windu and Plo Koon. Finally, Master Yoda called them to order.

“Things to be discussed, there are,” he said, and the din in the room quieted down. “Master Windu, Master Koon, return to your seats, you must.” They both looked aggravated but did so. “Foolish it is to argue amongst ourselves.”

“There isn’t anything we can do to stop a war now the Senate has agreed on it,” said Mundi. “Why are we here?”

“If we choose not to fight, they may withdraw their decision,” Windu pointed out.

“If we choose not to fight, they will all die,” Plo Koon responded vehemently.

“If choosing not to fight we do,” said Yoda, cutting through the tension that had been beginning to build, “the Republic will continue nonetheless.”

“How? They have next to no army,” Even Piell said, throwing up his hands.

“Built a clone army, they have.”

There was a moment of silence.

“How?” Piell repeated.

“Long ago, it seems, a clone army was commissioned by the Republic. Growing, they have been, on a planet called Kamino. Ready, they now are.”

“That’s why the Senate felt it was time for a war, then,” said Qui-Gon slowly. “They have the reason, they have the support, and now they have the army. And it sounds like they’ve been planning this for some time.”

“Master Jinn is correct,” said Yoda, with a nod to him.

“So even if we don’t fight, they will continue with their battle,” said Plo Koon with a sideways glare at Windu.

“Why wouldn’t we fight?” Adi Gallia asked. “Not only do we need to support a Republic, the Separatists are working with the Sith. The Sith cannot be allowed to gain power.” There were sounds of agreement from the rest of the Council, and she went on, “We have every reason to want to win this war. Do we agree on this?”

One by one, all the Masters nodded.

“Then fight, we will,” Yoda declared. “But something else, there is.”

The room went still.

“Concerns Master Jinn’s Padawan, this does,” he continued, looking at Qui-Gon.

“Which one?”

Adi Gallia snorted. “Which one do you think?”

“Another prophecy I have learned, involving young Anakin Skywalker,” said Yoda, as if there had been no interruption.

“What is it?” asked Qui-Gon immediately, anxiety building up in his chest.

Yoda closed his eyes. “If win this war we wish to do, Skywalker must fight, and he must make this decision. The only way, it is.”

“And if he does not, we lose?” That wasn’t so bad. Anakin would be fighting in the war with or without a prophecy, and if it meant they won, that would be even better.

“Yes. And if fight he does not, Skywalker will lose his connection to the Force.”

“So he just has to fight,” said Qui-Gon with a note of relief. “And we win the war. This won’t be a hard decision, to choose between winning a war or losing his Force sensitivity.”

“One more part of this prophecy, there is,” said Yoda, and though he looked serene as ever, Qui-Gon could swear he heard a hint of sadness in his tone.

“What is that?” he asked warily. Yoda sighed and closed his eyes again, bowing his head.

“If fight in this war, Skywalker does, he will die before it is over.” 

 

~~~~

 

When Obi-Wan and Anakin stepped out into the common room early the next morning, they were hit with waves of emotion. Qui-Gon was sitting on the couch in the center of the room, watching out the window with his chin resting on his folded hands, and the dread and despair filling Obi-Wan’s senses seemed to be emanating from him. He and Anakin looked at each other. Their Master hardly ever let his mental shields down, and when he did, there was never this much pure feeling coming from him.

“Master?” said Anakin hesitantly.

Qui-Gon gave a little jump; somehow, he must have been so deep in thought he did not notice them come in. “Anakin. Obi-Wan. Come here.” His voice was strained and quiet.

They sat down in the two armchairs adjacent to the couch and waited for Qui-Gon to continue.

“As you’ve heard, the Republic has decided to go to war with the Separatists, and the Jedi will be joining them.”

They knew this.

“There is no...easy way to put this,” he said, sighing. “Anakin, there has been another prophecy concerning you. And this time you have to make a decision.”

Anakin’s jaw dropped, and Obi-Wan wanted to put a comforting hand on his shoulder but he was too far away, so he just tried his best to send reassuring energy to him through their bond.

“What decision is that?”

Qui-Gon stared down at his hands and took a deep breath before answering. “If you do not fight in this war, your connection with the Force will deplete until you have none, and the Republic will lose to the Separatists. If you do choose to fight-” He stopped, heaving another sigh, while Obi-Wan and Anakin both watched him intently, not daring to speak. “If you do choose to fight, you will become even more powerful than you are now, and the Republic will undoubtedly win, but -” He paused again, then looked Anakin directly in the eye.

“If you fight in this war, you will also die in it.”

Obi-Wan did not move. He did not speak, he was fairly sure he did not even breathe.

“When?” Anakin croaked, his eyes bleak, staring stiffly at a point past Qui-Gon’s shoulder.

“After the fall of Count Dooku, it has been said, and before the end of the war. It is likely those events will not be far from each other.”

Anakin did not make any sound or motion to indicate he had heard, and Qui-Gon stood up.

“I will - leave you to counsel among yourselves.”

There were no coherent thoughts in Obi-Wan’s head, he was too shocked, and for a long time he just stared at the floor, still not moving a muscle. When he finally raised his eyes to look at Anakin, he could see the dread in his friend’s face, and this made him focus again. Anakin needed him.

“What will you do?” he asked in a shaky voice.

“What do you think I should do?” Anakin said hollowly.

“I - whatever you choose, Anakin that’s - that’s what I want too.” But he was lying, because though he would never admit it even to himself, he just wanted Anakin alive no matter what the cost; the entire Republic could fall but if he could run away and live a simple life with Anakin in a far-off corner of the galaxy, what would it really matter?

He knew that thought was selfish, and it wasn’t the Jedi way. They were to save as many lives as possible; he suddenly realized this situation was exactly why the Jedi prohibited attachment. Logically, of course, making sure the galaxy was at peace mattered a lot more than a single life, and if it was his own life, he would not hesitate to make that sacrifice. But it was not his. It was Anakin’s. And nowhere in his mind could he truly justify letting Anakin die for any reason, no matter the consequences.

“I want to be with you, Obi-Wan, I want to be able to grow old with you, whether I have the Force or not,” he said desperately.

Obi-Wan stayed silent. This had to be Anakin’s decision.

“But...the Republic has to win, we can’t - we can’t live under an empire, ruled by the Sith,” he said slowly. “It would be - selfish of me not to fight...right?”

“Whatever you choose to do, Anakin, you are still a good person,” Obi-Wan said carefully.

“But I’m a Jedi,” he continued, voice still trembling, “so I cannot - I cannot put my life above the lives of everyone in the galaxy. If I can - can save the Republic by giving my life for it, I have to.”

“I suppose.” Even though his view of their futures was crumbling to dust, he didn’t think he’d ever been more proud of Anakin in his life, and ever would be. Ten years ago, or even two, Anakin might never have sacrificed himself for the Republic, for the Jedi, for the lives of others; without noticing it, he had grown up from a youngling desperate to prove himself in any possible to an aspiring Jedi, whose wisdom and compassion were unmatched by anyone as far as Obi-Wan could tell. 

“Then I will fight.”

They were both silent, Obi-Wan’s eyes firmly fixed to Anakin’s; the air was still and cold. The pride and warmth Obi-Wan felt towards him was coupled with a deep sadness, and the feeling that maybe Anakin was being forced to grow up too quickly. It was unfair; he had been thrust into this situation without warning and made to choose between love and what was right. To decide the fate of the galaxy, to decide when he would die; he was still so young. 

He could feel everything in Anakin’s mind through their connection in the Force, and all their emotions at once almost knocked him off his feet. His own grief was more than enough to overwhelm him, and then he was being hit with waves of both fear and shame from Anakin.

But there was something else coming from Anakin too, a kind of bitter pride; he was doing what was right. He was going to save the galaxy. He didn’t want to; he longed for nothing more than to forget about the war and live a long life with Obi-Wan, maybe they’d be farmers on an uninhabited moon, maybe they’d be nomads in a stolen starship, maybe they’d go the outer rim and just live quietly away from everyone else, doing nothing all day but talking and enjoying each other’s company - but he wasn’t doing that. He would fight, and he would die, and the Republic would win, and they would be grateful to him but they would never know that Anakin had sacrificed so much more for them than they could possibly imagine.

Finally, Anakin spoke, barely more than a whisper.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he said, his voice cracking.

Without thinking about it, Obi-Wan jumped up from his seat, and Anakin rose too. They met in the middle, Obi-Wan wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy, hoping to never let go but knowing now Anakin would soon be wrenched away from him before he had ever anticipated.

“You don’t have to. Not yet.” It was the best consolation he could give.

He could feel Anakin’s tears hot on his neck and tried to hold himself together.

“I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, in hysterics now, his words punctuated by sobs. “I’m so - I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I-”

“Shhhhhh,” he whispered, stroking Anakin’s hair in an effort to soothe him, trying to keep his own voice from breaking. “You never need to be sorry. I will love you no matter what you do. Always know that.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Anakin said with a hiccup.

“You do, Anakin,” he said, shaking his head and pressing his nose into Anakin’s hair. “You deserve the world. And I wish the fates had been more kind to you.”

“Well,” Anakin said unsteadily, lifting his head from Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I don’t want this to - to change anything. We still have time. I can - I can promise I’m going to - to make the most of it, of every moment, with you.”

Obi-Wan nodded, holding Anakin close and trying to feel hopeful, for his sake, but he couldn’t, he only felt the emptiness in his chest, as he thought only about how much he loved Anakin, and that Anakin was going to die.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED END NOTE: I'm going out of town and I've been busy so the next chapter will not be up until around March 19th, and after that I will be taking a short hiatus until April 4th because I'm in a production of Pippin and will no longer have much time at all to write.  
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!  
> note: sorry


	8. Written in the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Nay if even in the house of Hades the dead forget their dead, yet will I even there be mindful of my dear comrade." -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTE: The rating for this fic has been changed from TEEN to MATURE. I'm sure you can assume why. Please have caution if mature-rated fics are not your thing. Nothing is very graphic but be aware.**  
>  Also: I am so so so sorry this took so long for me to post, I was out of town and I'm in a musical right now that's getting close to performances so my time has been greatly diminished.  
> Finally, thank you so much to [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr) who is the most incredible beta and friend in the world and I love her more than I can say !!

And so it began.

Obi-Wan and Anakin may have felt like their lives stopped when Qui-Gon told them what Anakin had to do, but the rest of the galaxy kept moving. Obi-Wan wished it wouldn’t; after everything that had happened, he just needed a moment to breathe.

There was a gentle rap on the door and Obi-Wan groaned. He felt like he’d just fallen asleep five minutes ago, it couldn’t possibly be morning, but the room was bright with sunlight and the knocking continued.

“You’re requested at the docking bay in half an hour for your first assignment,” called Qui-Gon gently through the door, then Obi-Wan heard footsteps retreating.

“I don’t want to get up,” Anakin grumbled, twisting his neck around to try to look at Obi-Wan.

“I’m sorry, love,” said Obi-Wan, tilting his head and pressing his lips to the side of Anakin’s face.

“Love? That’s new.”

“Well, if you don’t like it then I won’t use it.”

“No, I do,” said Anakin quickly, and Obi-Wan smirked.

After the discussion yesterday morning, Qui-Gon left them alone in the common room all day. There was not much they wanted to discuss after Anakin made his decision, so they spent the day gossipping about things they didn’t care about, trying to convince one of the maintenance workers in the hallway to bring them room service, and tasting all of Qui-Gon’s teas (most of them Anakin hated, which Obi-Wan found personally offensive), until it seemed like time to go to sleep. It was, objectively, a very good day, but more than a few times Obi-Wan had to force himself not to think about the fact that this was probably one of the last days like this.

In general, both Obi-Wan and Anakin slept in their own respective beds, since they were too small for two people to be on at once. Yesterday, however, Anakin couldn’t seem to bear being more than a foot away from Obi-Wan even for a few seconds, so Obi-Wan had not been lying in his bed for more than a minute when Anakin crawled in to join him.

Obi-Wan was sure one of them was going to be rudely awoken in the middle of the night by falling off the bed, but he didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around Anakin and buried his face in the curls on the back of his head. Neither of them moved from this position, and the sound of Anakin’s gentle breathing had eventually lulled him into sleep.

“We should probably get up now to make it to the docking bay on time,” said Obi-Wan, carefully removing his arms from holding Anakin and standing up.

“The docking bay isn’t that far away,” Anakin complained, making hopeless grasping motions at him from the bed.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “I’m going to make tea.”

“Tea is disgusting,” Anakin grumbled, flopping back down as Obi-Wan left the room.

It seemed there had been a silent agreement to ignore the fact that Anakin had just found out he was going to die in the war, or at least not to talk about it. They were in a forced bubble of bliss, pretending that their lives hadn’t fallen apart yesterday morning. And Obi-Wan was okay with this, because he felt that if he had to speak about it to Anakin again he would break down crying.

After a few minutes of waiting for the water to boil, he felt arms around his waist.

“Hello Anakin.”

“Hello,” Anakin said, trying to place his chin on the top of Obi-Wan’s head by standing on his toes.

“You’re not nearly tall enough to do that.”

“Hmph. You’re not short enough,” Anakin retorted.

Obi-Wan just smiled and took the kettle off the stove when it whistled, but almost dropped it when he felt Anakin biting his ear.

“Anakin!” He put the kettle back onto the counter and spun around. “That was _completely_ uncalled for.”

“Just couldn’t resist,” he drawled, placing a hand under Obi-Wan’s chin to tilt his head up slightly and kiss him.

“I think you could,” Obi-Wan mumbled, but Anakin just smiled and moved his lips from Obi-Wan’s mouth to below his chin and then to his neck, having to bend over a little to reach.

“Bet you wish you were shorter now.”

“Somewhat,” Anakin admitted, bringing his right hand up to tug on the collar of Obi-Wan’s robes.

“Anakin, we have twenty-five minutes to be at the docking bay and I still haven’t made my tea.”

“It doesn’t take twenty-five minutes to walk to the docking bay or to make tea,” he whined, teeth nipping at the top Obi-Wan’s collarbones.

“Yes, but I’m pretty sure whatever you’re trying to do _will_ take longer than twenty-five minutes,” Obi-Wan pointed out, trying not to sound flustered, but Anakin had begun sucking at the skin on his neck, which was making it difficult. “Anakin…”

Anakin finally stopped and looked up at him. “Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan sighed, reaching up to feel the spot on his neck that Anakin had been sucking at. “Did you - did you leave a mark?”

“Possibly.”

“Anakin what - what could possibly have possessed you to make you think that was a good idea?” he asked incredulously.

“You love it.”

“Stop,” Obi-Wan said, turning back around to finish making tea while Anakin stood behind him, running his hands through his hair. When he’d finished he took a sip of his tea but at the same moment, Anakin’s mouth returned to his neck and he almost spat it out.

“Anakin, please don’t do this.”

“Everyone will know you’re mine,” said Anakin with a grin.

“Yes, that’s the problem.”

“I don’t really think it’s a problem.”

“The Jedi - _Anakin!_ \- the Jedi do.”

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned, lifting his head, and Obi-Wan sighed.

“Well it’s too late now, anyway.”

 

~~~~

 

They arrived at the docking bay with a minute to spare, slightly out of breath from running across the temple.

“Hello, Masters,” said Anakin as they entered loudly to see Qui-Gon and Mace Windu in conversation next to a transport ship.

Windu raised one eyebrow at them, and Qui-Gon smiled. “Good to see you here.” He sounded strained, though, and Obi-Wan realized that Anakin had never actually told Qui-Gon of his decision to enter the war; this must be his first time learning of it.

“We’re uh, ready for our first mission,” said Obi-Wan, absentmindedly scratching at his neck.

“Good,” said Mace Windu. “The two of you will be working with my Padawan, Stiong Walego, to investigate rumors of a new Sith Apprentice training on the planet Takobo. You are to take a transport ship and land in the capital under the guise of traders delivering some raw materials, and search for this apprentice in the slums of the city where they’d been rumored.”

“You are _not_ , under any circumstances, to engage this apprentice, or anyone else, in any kind of combat,” Qui-Gon added, with a pointed glance at Anakin. “You are to find their location, who they are training with, and any other information you can, then report back here. Give us updates periodically, we will expect you back within a week.”

“What if _they_ engage _us_ -” Anakin began.

“ _No,_ Anakin,” Qui-Gon interrupted.

“Coordinates for Takobo have been programmed in the ship. Please leave with haste,” said Windu, and both the Masters left the docking bay, going back into the temple.

“I call _not_ flying,” said Anakin as soon as they left.

“Me too,” Stiong added quickly.

“You’re copiloting then, because I said it first.”

Obi-Wan sighed.

 

~~~~

 

“You’ll be okay on your own if I take a break to eat and meditate, right Obi-Wan?” asked Stiong.

“Oh yeah, it’s fine. Anakin can copilot for a while,” he said with a wave of his hand. Stiong nodded and got up from their chair, heading out the door of the cockpit. A few seconds passed.

“Anytime you want to help out, Anakin.”

Anakin materialized behind him, leaning his elbow on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “What’s that?”

“Stiong left, I told them you would copilot.”

“That was very dishonorable of you, Obi-Wan,” he commented. “You know I’m not going to do anything, why would you lie to Stiong like that?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “I guess I was just being optimistic.”

Anakin perched himself carefully on the armrest of Obi-Wan’s seat. “You don’t need a copilot anyway.”

“Technically, we all need copilots. It’s standard procedure.” He glanced at Anakin who was still struggling to balance himself on the armrest. “ _That’s_ definitely not standard procedure. Seems hazardous, actually.”

Anakin tried to lean in towards him, but Obi-Wan shoved him lightly and he went toppling off the chair.

“That was rude,” he complained, standing up and dusting himself off.

“Shut up and get in the copilot’s seat,” Obi-Wan said fondly.

Anakin heaved a dramatic sigh and sat down in the seat, putting his legs up on the controls. “How much longer do you think it’ll be?”

“Are you five years old?” When Anakin did not respond, he turned his head to see what he was doing and was met with an unexpectedly passionate kiss.

“Anakin - Anakin, I’m flying!” he protested immediately, pulling away.

“ _Technically_ , we’re all flying.”

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. “Anakin-”

“I love you too,” he interrupted, leaning over to kiss him again, and this time Obi-Wan let him, but only for a few seconds.

“You’re going to make us crash into an asteroid.”

“We won’t crash. Use the Force, Obi-Wan,” he said, and it seemed he had gotten tired of leaning over because he had elected to sit in Obi-Wan’s lap instead.

“I don’t think it works like that.”

“I’m about ninety percent sure it does,” Anakin responded, speaking with his lips against Obi-Wan’s cheek.

“We’re almost there, actually,” said Obi-Wan, looking down at the coordinate map on the dashboard.

“Oh good, when we land you’ll stop being distracted.”

“You’re saying I’m _distracted_ by piloting this entire ship? _Without_ a copilot, I might add?”

“Mm, yeah,” said Anakin, moving his mouth to Obi-Wan’s jawline.

“You can’t do that, Anakin, I can’t see,” he reported matter-of-factly. It didn’t matter that much, because they were flying through open space, but if an asteroid or another ship appeared he would need the use of his vision to avoid it.

“Sorry,” he said, and his kisses began to gravitate downward on Obi-Wan’s neck, his hands pulling his collar impatiently again.

“Not while I’m flying, Anakin.”

Anakin smirked, but before he could do anything else, Obi-Wan heard footsteps coming down the hall and roughly shoved Anakin off of him just as Stiong opened the door.

“Is...everything okay?” Stiong asked, staring at Anakin, who had just landed on the floor.

“Yes, everything’s fine,” Obi-Wan responded cheerfully. “You can go back to copiloting, though. We’re almost there, landing should begin in two or three minutes.”

“Great.”

Stiong returned to their seat and Anakin stood up, smoothing out his tunic again with a reproachful glance at Obi-Wan.

When they arrived on Takobo, Anakin practically ran to the door, pulling out his lightsaber as though he was preparing for a fight, but Stiong stopped him.

“We’re just delivering a shipment, remember?” they said. “We need to stay undercover, so keep your lightsaber completely concealed.”

Anakin sighed but pocketed his lightsaber again. “Undercover, does that include changing clothes? So we don’t look like Jedi?”

Obi-Wan had no idea why he was asking this, and Stiong pointed out, “That would be a good idea, but we don’t have any changes of clothes. And I doubt anyone here knows what a Jedi looks like anyway.”

“Who are the citizens here?” Obi-Wan asked suddenly.

Stiong gave him a sideways look. “Ithorians.”

“Oh.” His face felt hot with shame; they’d studied the planets and their species as younglings, and even if he didn’t remember he should’ve taken the time to find out before leaving on this mission. This was not a mistake he would normally make, but then again, he had been rather distracted today.

They exited the ship together to see the warehouse docking bay they’d landed in. It was empty of other ships but there was one Ithorian male standing by the exit of the bay.

“Hello, sir,” Obi-Wan called, the three of them walking quickly over to him. “We have a shipment from Coruscant here.”

“Yes, I was told you’d be coming,” he said in a droning voice. “Leave it there with the hatch unlocked and when my workers come back they’ll unload it.”

“Thank you. We uh - we also have other business in the city, is it alright that the ship is left here?” Stiong asked.

“As long as you’re out of here by the end of the week when shipments come from Chandrila, I don’t care.”

“Thank you.”

Upon exiting the warehouse building, Anakin turned to look at Obi-Wan. “How do we get to the slums from here?”

“How would I know? I got the same information as you,” he said.

“Oh, right.”

“I know how to get there,” said Stiong, sounding somewhat exasperated. “It’s not that far, actually.”

They were mostly silent walking through the city. The planet seemed to be primarily a desert planet, though the air wasn’t as dry as some others Obi-Wan had been to. The buildings were shades of white or brown that blended in with the sandy surroundings, and this area wasn’t very crowded; most of the buildings here were dingy stores and apartments.

“What species is this Sith apprentice?” Anakin asked.

“Togruta, supposedly,” Stiong replied.

“Huh. I didn’t know Togrutas were ever Sith.”

“Well there are Togruta Jedi, so logically there would be Togruta Sith,” Obi-Wan said. “I don’t think the Sith discriminate by race.”

“How nice of them.”

When they came to a large gray stone building, Stiong stopped. “This is the biggest cantina in the slums; the Mosto Cantina. If there’s any information to be found, this would be the best place to start.”

The inside of the cantina was louder than anything Obi-Wan remembered experiencing, between the music playing and all the Ithorians talking over one another, as well as incredibly dark compared to the streets lit by the setting sun outside. What did people in cantinas have against lights?

“Don’t the hammerheads have their own language?” Anakin asked, having to yell to be heard over the din in the room. “How are we going to get any information from them?”

“They speak Ithorese, but I think ‘hammerhead’ is derogatory,” Obi-Wan shouted back.

“I thought it was just ‘leatherneck’ that was derogatory,” Anakin said, still oblivious to the few heads that had been turning to look at them resentfully upon hearing their words.

“No, I’m pretty sure they both are.”

“Oh. Sorry then.”

“I think most of them speak the common tongue as well,” Stiong cut in. “So we should be fine. Let’s ask the bartender first, he’ll definitely speak common and probably knows a lot of what goes on.”

The group made their way to the bar, trying to bump into a few Ithorians as possible on their way there, but failing and earning a few glares. Obi-Wan noted that they were the only humans in the cantina.

“Excuse me,” Stiong called to the Ithorian bartender who was currently facing away mixing drinks. “Excuse me!”

“What is it?” he said gruffly, turning around.

“We need to know-”

“We’d like two Corellian nectars,” Obi-Wan interrupted, and the bartender nodded and turned back to mixing drinks.

“What are you doing?” asked Stiong.

“Getting drunk,” said Anakin helpfully.

“Walking into a bar just to ask questions is pretty suspicious, and I doubt he’ll tell us anything,” Obi-Wan explained. “If we get something to drink it will seem more casual.”

“Genius,” Anakin commented.

The bartender set the drinks down in front of them. “That’s eleven credits.”

Obi-Wan handed the money to him then passed one of the nectars to Stiong. “Drink up.”

“Why don’t I get any?” asked Anakin.

“You’re flying.”

“What? No I’m not, we’re staying the night!”

“Buy your own,” said Obi-Wan with a shrug.

“Hmph. You paid for Stiong’s,” Anakin grumbled.

Obi-Wan took a few sips of his drink, then waved his hand to the bartender.

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen any Togrutas around here recently?” he asked.

He eyed them suspiciously. “I might have.”

Obi-Wan sighed and placed ten credits on the table. “Can I get a cometduster?”

“Sure.” He took the money and disappeared again to make the drink.

“A cometduster is only six credits,” said Anakin. “Oh! I see.”

The bartender came back with a cometduster a minute later, which Anakin snatched immediately. “Her name is Carralla Cailee,” he said in a low voice. “Doesn’t come in here much, people don’t like her since she stabbed the last bartender with that glowy sword. If you see her around here it’ll be at the Sapphire Cantina, three blocks west.”

“Thank you,” said Obi-Wan, handing him two more credits, which he took with a grateful nod. When he was gone again, Obi-Wan turned to Stiong and Anakin. “I hope you didn’t drink too much, we’ve got more to do.”

Stiong stood up, setting their drink on the table. “Let’s go.”

The Sapphire Cantina had a very different vibe than the Motso Cantina, and Obi-Wan understood why a Sith apprentice might be hanging out here. The music was quiet and most of the talking was done in whispers, and it was somehow even darker than the Motso.

“Should we ask this bartender too?” Stiong said. “Or just wait for her to show up?”

“Well if she’s here often, the bartender might know that people could come looking for her. We should probably wait,” Obi-Wan mused.

They sat down at a table on the edge of the room, and had only been there a minute when Anakin suddenly stood up. “She’s here.”

“What? How do you know?” asked Stiong, but Obi-Wan already knew the answer.

“You felt her presence,” he said, and Anakin nodded. “Where is she?”

“I’m not sure. But she’s here.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, trying to reach out with Anakin, looking for a dark presence in the Force. “I think there must be a basement level here. It’s below us.” He stood up as well, going to pull out his lightsaber but stopping himself.

Stiong looked moderately perplexed but followed both of them towards the door at the back of the bar. Obi-Wan glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then pushed the door open to reveal a room with a cabinet holding a number of jars full of murky substances, a window looking into an alley, and a staircase spiraling downward.

Closing the door behind them, Stiong whispered, “We should probably let Master Windu and Master Jinn know we’ve found them before we go down. Just in case something happens, they know where we are.”

Anakin gave an impatient huff but otherwise stayed silent as Stiong pulled out their communicator to contact the Masters.

“Is there any news?” Qui-Gon’s voice was staticky on the hologram.

“We’re pretty sure we’ve found the apprentice. She’s a Togruta named Carralla Cailee. We’re about to go downstairs to see what she looks like,” Obi-Wan explained.

“Only to see if her face matches any in the database,” Qui-Gon warned. “Nothing else. You are not -”

“-to engage her in combat,” Anakin finished. “We won’t.”

“I’m serious, Anakin,” said Qui-Gon. “Don’t even talk to her. We don’t know how dangerous she is, and we don’t know if she has allies in the area. Be discreet.”

“I was thinking of whipping out my lightsaber, actually,” said Anakin, laughing, but Obi-Wan put his hand over his mouth before he could say any more.

“We’ll be careful, Master. Thank you.”

They descended the staircase quietly, and at the door at the bottom, Stiong stopped. “There are other people in there.”

Obi-Wan looked at them. “Should we still go in?”

“Why not? If there are other people in there, we’ll have an easier time blending in,” Anakin pointed out.

“That’s true,” Obi-Wan conceded. He put his hood up to hide his face, then waited until the others did the same before opening the door.

As soon as he stepped in the room, Obi-Wan could tell something was off; he looked at Anakin and knew he did too. The presence was here, but the darkness felt incomplete. Additionally, the room was not full of other Ithorian bar patrons, but a few creatures of varying species muttering to each other in dulcet tones, and two battle droids were standing guard in the center of the room. At the back of the room was a hooded figure in a chair speaking to a hologram, but they couldn’t discern who was in the hologram from this far away.

Anakin began to walk towards the hooded figure, beckoning Obi-Wan and Stiong to come with him. It didn’t seem like a good idea, but Obi-Wan couldn’t very well leave Anakin to wander towards a Sith apprentice alone, so he followed. He looked back after a few seconds, though, to see Stiong had not moved, and was still standing in the doorway, their eyes wide and mouth halfway open.

“What is it?” Obi-Wan hissed, but before Stiong could answer, he heard a yell.

“Jedi! Get them!”

The hooded figure in the chair, presumably the Sith apprentice, was no longer talking quietly to the hologram; now she was standing up, alarmed and pointing at them, and her voice was muffled by a mask but still sounded terrified.

The two battle droids turned their guns on the Padawans, and Obi-Wan and Anakin simultaneously pulled out their lightsabers to block their shots.

“Fall back to the ship!” Obi-Wan yelled, taking retreating steps to the doorway as he defended himself and Anakin from the droids’ laser shots. When they were close enough, he grabbed Anakin by the hood and pulled him out to the staircase, looking back at the room just long enough to see the Sith apprentice stop in her tracks when Anakin’s face was revealed, before slamming the door and dashing upstairs.

“Stiong, let Qui-Gon know what happened,” Obi-Wan said as they ran. “Tell him we’re going back to the ship but we’re not done with our mission yet.”

Stiong nodded and pulled out their communicator, pressing a few buttons until a hologram of their Master appeared.

“Stiong?”

“We’ve found the apprentice, but she sensed us and sent battle droids after us, we’re going back to the ship but we will be coming back to see her face,” they reported rapidly.

“What? No!” Qui-Gon said, his voice panicked. “Do not return. When you get to the ship, leave the planet and come straight back here.”

“But Master Jinn-”

“That is an order, Padawan Walego!” he barked, and Stiong nodded silently, closing the communicator as they burst through the door into the cantina again.

It was empty.

Obi-Wan looked at his fellow Padawans in complete bewilderment, but Anakin was already sprinting to the door. When he got outside, he froze.

“What is it?” Obi-Wan asked, joining him on the sidewalk. “Oh no.”

It seemed they had just entered a warzone. Separatist ships hovered above them, there was smoke ascending from a building a few blocks away, the Ithorians were running to their houses, and battle droids were walking the streets.

“The Jedi!”

The robotic voice was coming from the end of the block they were on, where a troop of six droids were marching.

“Told you we should’ve had disguises,” said Anakin as they pulled out their lightsabers again.

“Where’s the ship?” Obi-Wan yelled.

“Directly northwest!” Stiong replied.

More droids were coming, and their shots were getting harder to block. “How far away?”

“I don’t know!”

A shot narrowly missed Obi-Wan’s ear, and that was when Anakin broke away from the group, charging at the droids.

“Anakin, what are you doing?” Obi-Wan shouted, but Anakin ignored him, reaching the droids and slaughtering them within seconds.

“Let’s go!” he called, but two more troops of droids came into view before they could run, one next to Anakin and the other twenty feet from Obi-Wan and Stiong in the other direction.

Obi-Wan and Stiong dispatched the droids fairly easily, and Stiong pointed down the street. “This way! The droids are coming from the center of the city, there shouldn’t be any more here!”

“What about Anakin?” Obi-Wan said.

“He’ll find his way!”

Obi-Wan looked back at where Anakin had disappeared around the corner and tried to feel him through their bond. “Are you sure?”

“The longer we wait, the more danger we’re in, Obi-Wan, we have to go.”

He shut his eyes for a second. Anakin wasn’t hurt, he knew that, so he nodded and followed Stiong towards the ship.

As Stiong had predicted, the streets were empty. Not even civilians were outside, everyone was hidden in their houses, waiting out the attack. Anakin did not reappear, however, and Obi-Wan became more and more worried the closer they got to the ship without seeing him.

They got to the warehouse and Obi-Wan stopped.

“What is it?”

“Where’s Anakin?”

“He might be on the ship already.”

“He’s not,” Obi-Wan said, shaking his head.

“How do you know?”

“We have to wait for him,” Obi-Wan insisted.

“Let’s get on the ship, Obi-Wan, for safety.”

He looked back at the streets, scanning for Anakin, but didn’t see him. He bit his lip and then went with Stiong into the warehouse and onto their ship.

Stiong jumped into the pilot’s seat. “I’d say we’ve got five minutes before we need to leave.”

“We’re waiting for Anakin.”

“If the droids reach us-”

“We can fight off the droids.”

“Let’s just - deal with that if it happens. He’ll come back.”

Obi-Wan nodded and went back out to the entrance of the ship to wait. Would be actually be able to feel it through their bond if Anakin was hurt? What if he had been injured, and that’s why he wasn’t here, and Obi-Wan somehow didn’t know? What if he had been killed by the droids? Obi-Wan suddenly wondered if that was possible, since the prophecy said he would die after the fall of Count Dooku, so if Dooku was still alive, did that mean Anakin wouldn’t die? But fate was always changing, and something unexpected could happen to kill him before then. Obi-Wan felt sick to his stomach.

He was lost in thought when the door of the docking bay was flung open and Anakin came sprinting towards the ship.

“Anakin!”

“The droids are almost here, we’ve got to-”

Obi-Wan seized Anakin by the shoulders and kissed him before he could say any more.

“Obi-Wan, I love you, but get on the ship, we need to get out of here,” Anakin said, breaking away from him.

Obi-Wan groaned but did as he said, entering the cockpit and telling Stiong it was time to go. He felt like he had been left empty, desperate for more of Anakin after all the fear of being without him, but they were going to be stuck in this ship with Stiong for a long flight.

 

~~~~

 

“Is there any news from the Padawans?” asked Windu at the start of the Council meeting, turning to Qui-Gon.

“They found the apprentice but she sensed them and they had to leave,” he reported quickly.

“Did they get a look at her face?” asked Plo Koon.

“No, but they know her name. Carralla Cailee.”

Windu nodded. “Tell them to return to her dwelling tomorrow, we will devise a new strategy.”

“I - I told them to abandon the mission,” Qui-Gon said quietly.

Windu stared at him. “What?”

“I was - worried that they could be killed,” he explained. “Because…”

“Because of the prophecy?” said Adi Gallia. “Doesn’t the prophecy say he won’t die until after Dooku has been killed?”

“Things can change.”

“Just as easily could that change, as his entire fate,” said Yoda. “Specific, the prophecy was; it is as likely he dies earlier, as doesn’t die at all.”

“But something unexpected could happen and he could still die. He’s not invincible,” Qui-Gon pointed out.

“Nothing is unexpected in the Force,” said Windu.

“I just - I didn’t want him to die too early!”

“He will not die too early. Until Dooku has died, he is technically invincible.”

“So we should take advantage of that by putting him in dangerous situations?”

“Why not?” said Mundi. “If it will not harm him, I think he would be willing to go into dangerous situations for the greater good.”

“You would not know that!”

“Master Jinn,” said Yoda finally, “an attachment, you have, to your Padawan?”

“Am I not allowed to care about him?”

“Not more than the Republic, you’re not,” said Windu grimly. “If he can defeat the Separatists, that’s more important.”

“He should get to decide.”

“Too young, Padawan Skywalker is,” said Yoda. “A decision like this, is not something he should make. Doing his duty as a Jedi, he is, by going on missions such as this.”

“Too young?” Qui-Gon spluttered, beginning to raise his voice. “Too young for this decision? He just made a decision to die for all of us, and he’s too young to decide if he wants to go into circumstances that could be harmful to him?”

“This is included in the decision to die for us,” said Windu. “He already chose to fight, that implies he will actually _be_ in the war.”

“How can you-”

“Master Jinn,” Yoda interrupted. “Already decided, this matter is. Skywalker will be given assignments, and from now on, what he will do is for the Council to decide, not yourself.”

 

~~~~

 

When they got back to the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan felt like he’d been trapped on that ship for days.

“Do you want me to report to the Masters on what happened, so you can go back and get your injures cared for?” asked Stiong, giving them both a sympathetic glance.

“Yes, that would be great,” said Obi-Wan, and his voice felt strange.

Stiong left and headed towards the Council chambers, and Obi-Wan went with Anakin towards the west side of the temple. They had been walking for a few minutes when Anakin said, “Wait, this isn’t the way to the hospital wing.”

“Do you need the hospital wing?”

“Not really. Just a few minor burns on my arms.”

“Good.”

As soon as they stepped into their suite and shut the door, Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin and began kissing him, furiously and desperately, shoving him backwards as he did until he was up against the wall.

“What’s this?” Anakin asked, his voice extremely muffled by Obi-Wan’s mouth. “Not that - not that I’m complaining,” he added with a sigh.

Obi-Wan stopped for a second. “Anakin...you could’ve died today.”

There was a beat.

“I know.”

“This is real.”

“It is,” he said breathlessly.

The Force around them was pure electricity, and when Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin's robe and pulled him down for another passionate kiss, it truly felt like they were standing at the center of a raging storm. When everything was coming apart, they were each other's tether to reality, twin stars circling each other endlessly until they consumed each other in a final kiss. There were chapped, demanding lips, restless hands tugging on disheveled hair, bodies colliding like galaxies that had been longing to be together for millions of years and now clashed in a beautiful and violent explosion.

Nothing felt more real than their breath on each other's faces, and nothing mattered except for their insatiable need for closeness.

Anakin slid out of his robe and had started to undress Obi-Wan, who suddenly interrupted their kiss to gasp, "Our room.” In case someone came looking for them, he didn’t want them to open the suite door and see whatever they were doing. But he didn’t have to explain this to Anakin, who had already reached their room and was waiting for him to follow.

Obi-Wan did, shutting the door behind them and turning to see Anakin already almost finished stripping of his tunic. He took Obi-Wan’s hands and and walked backwards to his bed, where he fell and dragged Obi-Wan with him, parting his lips for a kiss, but Obi-Wan denied him this and instead brushed his lips on Anakin’s neck, then down to his chest. He placed his hands on Anakin’s hips and planted teasing kisses on his skin while working his way down to his waistband.

Obi-Wan could feel Anakin arching his back to meet his lips, and he smirked, enjoying the control he had over the situation. Anakin tried to pull him back up by pulling at his hair, but Obi-Wan pinned his hand down to the mattress with a strength he didn’t know he had. He could tell how much Anakin was enjoying this - letting go of all the concerns he had and submitting to the pure bliss of being worshipped and loved by a person he knew he could trust with his life.

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin sighed as he tried to pull him back up for a kiss, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. Obi-Wan decided not to tease Anakin too much, he wanted to make him feel safe and comfortable after all, so he placed his lips gently on Anakin’s forehead, then his eyelids and his nose to end up in a gentle kiss on lips that were muttering his name over and over again like a mantra.

This was the moment when Anakin took his chance and sat up, straddling Obi-Wan’s hips and burying his hands in his hair, sending a meteor shower of emotions through their bond. Obi-Wan understood that Anakin needed an outlet for his feelings and gave himself up to him. Anakin parted Obi-Wan’s lips with his tongue, sliding over his teeth and biting his lips until Obi-Wan couldn’t feel them anymore. Obi-Wan tilted his head back to offer his neck to Anakin and Anakin’s eyes told Obi-Wan that he was doing the right thing. He was being devoured, by Anakin’s lips and hands on the outside, and the passion and lust that was pulsing through their bond, burning him from the inside.

Obi-Wan let himself fall back onto the mattress and Anakin hovered over him for a moment, his face mirroring what Obi-Wan was feeling. Suddenly, he felt Anakin’s full body weight on him, their hips grinding against each other; Obi-Wan’s nails were digging into Anakin’s skin, tearing scarlet confessions of love into the space between his shoulderblades, and all that was left in the galaxy was Anakin’s breath on his neck, the feeling of teeth grazing collarbones and jawlines, and the breathless sounds of pleasure they were trying to suppress so they wouldn’t be heard.

“I love you,” Obi-Wan whispered in between kisses, his voice hushed and intense. It was imperative to him that Anakin truly comprehended what he was saying. “And I will never leave you, Anakin. I love you, do you understand?”

Anakin buried his face in Obi-Wan’s neck and pushed his hips forward with a frantic moan, reaching with one hand to fumble at Obi-Wan’s waistband.

After freeing each other from their last pieces of clothing, Obi-Wan took a moment to just gaze at Anakin. With his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, his clear blue eyes watching Obi-Wan’s every move, his face flushed, his now entirely naked body seeming to glow in the dim light of the neon lamp - he was a masterpiece. Obi-Wan stood up and took Anakin’s hand, signaling to follow his lead.

Looking slightly puzzled, Anakin rose from the bed, and Obi-Wan took a few paces backward, still holding Anakin’s hand. They had almost crossed the entire room when Obi-Wan pulled Anakin closer to him, then turned him around and pushed him against the closest wall, using the moment of surprise to put his leg between Anakin’s and pin his hands above his head with one hand. Anakin’s looked at him blankly, and Obi-Wan figured that he hadn’t realized what was happening to him, so he used his free hand to start stroking Anakin’s dick.

A moan escaped Anakin’s lips, his eyes widening as he leaned into Obi-Wan’s hand, trying to create more friction. Obi-Wan tilted his head up to Anakin’s, whose expression was nothing short of ecstasy. He kissed Anakin again and again, brushing his lips with his tongue, and Obi-Wan was certain he could taste the pleasure that Anakin was feeling as he pumped faster, gasping as Anakin’s emotions took over his mind, and now he wanted, needed, to feel some satisfaction himself.

“Please,” he moaned and released Anakin’s arms, gasping loudly when Anakin's hand did exactly what Obi-Wan had wanted him to, without him having to say anything. Anakin pressed another long ravenous kiss to his mouth, swallowing his gasps and sighs of pleasure so they wouldn't be heard, though he doubted that had been the intention.

They were both panting now, leaning into each other as they were coming closer to their release, and Obi-Wan noticed a movement from the corner of his eye. The books that used to be neatly rowed up on the shelves seemed to be trembling, the furniture in the room was rattling, the tea Obi-Wan had left was splashing out of the mug; the Force seemed to mirror the pure energy emanating from the two Padawans, setting everything around them in motion, making it feel like the universe revolved around them, which Obi-Wan was sure it did.

Obi-Wan gently put his free hand around Anakin’s neck, his movements erratic, desperate for the bliss they were so close to, and in a last hungry kiss, channelling all of his love into the Force, they both came gloriously, bodies shaking, suppressing the screams that were begging to be let out.

Gasping for breath, Obi-Wan fell forward, his head on Anakin’s shoulder and the hand on his neck now resting at the base of his hair. “Anakin,” he murmured, and just his name sounded like a song. Obi-Wan felt like his heart was going to burst. He thought, as he often did, that if everyone had a path in the Force, this had to be his. Destiny was written in the stars, so they say, and in any possible universe, no matter where he was or what he was doing, his fate would be the same. It would be Anakin. It was always Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to Noemi for writing about 90% of that last section of this chapter, I owe her my life, she's an absolutely incredible writer and just overall a brilliant eloquent sunflower, visit her on [AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/skywalkcr/pseuds/skywalkcr), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr), and [Tumblr](imprcssion.tumblr.com).  
>   
> The next chapter may also take a long time, as my production isn't over until April 4th, I'm really sorry! After that, all the chapters should be posted a lot quicker.  
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/obiskyguy) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


	9. Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Let me not then die ingloriously and without a struggle, but let me first do some great thing that shall be told among men hereafter.” -Homer, The Iliad_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Noemi](https://twitter.com/skywaIkvr)

It was surprising how easily the war became part of their everyday lives. Anakin was constantly being sent on missions, sometimes with Qui-Gon and sometimes without, but always with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was hardly ever mentioned by name, however, rather just assumed to be an accessory of Anakin’s, and he tried not to feel bitter at being snubbed. Anakin was the Chosen One, after all. Of course Obi-Wan’s significance to the Jedi would pale in comparison to his.

And how could he possibly feel bitter when Anakin was so obviously doing what he was meant to do? Where every other Jedi worked hard for the talents they had, Anakin made it an art, graceful and effortless. It was as it had always been; he didn’t have to think about using the Force, he just did. It was a part of him, more than it was anyone else. Just being around him for a few moments was enough for anyone to realize it.

By now, Anakin had far surpassed most of the Jedi Masters in his skills and was leading more missions than anyone but Windu, who didn’t seem to share the view that Anakin was the most powerful asset their army had, and elected to lead missions himself instead of having Anakin do it whenever possible. “He is not yet a Jedi,” he said.

But it seemed ridiculous that Anakin was still a Padawan; as the prophecy had said, during the war Anakin’s abilities with the Force and with combat had already grown immensely. As a result, Obi-Wan’s own skills were rapidly improving too; because of their connection, he assumed. Anakin, though, said it was because he was learning and practicing and becoming a Jedi himself. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure that was the only reason, but having Anakin believe in him so much meant more than he could say.

His reputation as a highly skilled warrior had grown and spread throughout the galaxy, it seemed. Even the Separatists knew; any time Commander Skywalker was leading a mission, Obi-Wan could sense significantly more fear in the enemy troops. They knew Anakin Skywalker was a force to be reckoned with, and sometimes his mere presence would make some of the more intelligent or self-serving Separatists leaders call a retreat until backup could be found. Whispers from civilians followed them wherever they went; “Is that Anakin Skywalker?” “I’ve heard he’s invincible.” “The Separatists don’t stand a chance anymore.”

But sometimes, when Anakin was asleep and Obi-Wan was lying beside him listening to him breathe, he felt terrified. He couldn’t help but think no one should have this much power, that it could be harmful to himself or others, and that it could change Anakin. That it already had. He was no longer the guileless boy Obi-Wan had fallen in love with; he had battle scars and a new seriousness about him that Obi-Wan had never seen before.

And what terrified Obi-Wan the most was that Anakin really seemed to love this; the battles, the missions, the risk-taking. What did that mean? He supposed it made Anakin better at what he did, but the Jedi were supposed to be exceptional at what they did without that passion behind it. What made Anakin different?

And why was he so fond of war, what did he love about fighting? But Obi-Wan knew that answer. It was the adrenalin, the heat, the indescribable feeling of being alive. It overwhelmed his own thoughts when they were in battle or doing anything particularly dangerous; where Obi-Wan kept a cool head, making calculations and plans and considering every option and possible outcome in a matter of seconds, Anakin was like fire, blazing with emotion, engulfing the room with his passion until Obi-Wan couldn’t feel much else and had to struggle to focus on the task at hand as his brain was inundated with Anakin’s intense determination and exhilaration. He knew his own serenity in battle affected Anakin too, diluting his otherwise reckless nature, and he could scarcely imagine what terror Anakin would wreak if a situation arose and Obi-Wan were not there to keep him in balance.

But he pushed these concerns away. No matter how powerful Anakin became, and how many battles he fought in, he was still the same person, Obi-Wan thought, absentmindedly beginning to stroke Anakin’s hair as he slept.

“Hm?” Anakin’s eyes blinked open slowly. “Is it morning already?”

“No, darling, I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

Anakin made a sound of acknowledgement and let his head fall back on the pillow. Obi-Wan smiled slightly, pressing a kiss to Anakin’s eyelids, his doubts fading away again. He loved Anakin, and that would never change. This was the surest thing he knew.

 

~~~~

 

“What is it we need to do?” said Anakin as he and Obi-Wan entered the main room in the communications center of the temple, where Windu and Plo Koon were poring over a holographic map on the projector table.

“Jedi Knight Barris Offee was on a mission near Shili when we lost communications with her,” said Windu, turning around to speak to them. “We believe she has been captured by the Sith apprentice Carralla Cailee that you found a year ago, and is being held at a base somewhere on Shili.”

“Shili is where most of the Togruta live, why would Carralla put her base there?” Obi-Wan wondered aloud. “It seems so obvious.”

“Regardless, there has been much evidence pointing to a base on Shili,” said Windu dismissively. Anakin looked annoyed. “The two of you, along with Master Luminara Unduli, are to lead a battalion of clone troopers to Shili and find where Offee is being held.”

“Do we know where it is?” Anakin asked. “Shili’s an entire planet, we need more specific coordinates or it’ll take years to find.”

“Most of the Separatist sympathizers on Shili are located in or around the city of Jashece and many of them have taken a sort of liking to Carralla Cailee,” said Plo Koon. “It appears she is very manipulative; they view her as some sort of hero.”

“The clones and Master Unduli are waiting for you in the docking bay. You’ll be flying together with a clone squadron and landing somewhere outside Jashece,” Windu informed them. “You are dismissed.”

“Why do they ignore you?” Anakin asked when they got to the hallway heading towards the docking bay.

“I’m a Padawan, I suppose,” Obi-Wan said evasively.

“You’re smarter than any of them, they should listen to you.”

“I don’t know if that’s quite true.”

“It is. And anyway, they listen to me, and I’m a Padawan. I don’t get it.”

“You’re the Chosen One, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said tiredly. “They have to listen to you.”

“That’s ridiculous, I’m not any better than you are so they-”

“Greetings, Padawans,” said Master Luminara as they entered the docking bay.

“Hello Master Luminara,” Obi-Wan said. “We’re ready to go whenever you are, I’m assuming you want to leave with haste to rescue Barriss.”

“I do, but you should meet the troopers and get a little more information about where we’re going first,” she said with a gracious nod.

“Of course.”

“This is Squad Seven, led by Captain Cody. They’re going to be accompanying us to the base on Shili. Cody, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, the Padawans I mentioned.”

“Greetings, sirs,” said Cody with a salute to each of them.

“Do we know the exact location of the base?” asked Anakin.

“Not quite, Commander Skywalker,” Cody apologized, “but we’re almost completely sure it’s in Jashece, and it shouldn’t be hard to find.”

“Once we’ve located the base,” Luminara continued, “we’re going to enter by stealth and find where they keep prisoners. The goal is to rescue Barriss and not alert the entire base of our presence.”

“So we don’t know what the layout of the base is, but we’re hoping to enter, find the prison cells, break someone out, then leave, all without being noticed?” Obi-Wan said, trying to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice. “I mean no offense, but couldn’t this mission have been better planned?”

“None taken,” said Cody, “but Commander Kenobi-”

“Just Obi-Wan,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “No need for the - commander bit.”

“Obi-Wan,” he began again, “with all due respect, we need to rescue Barriss as quickly as possible, there isn’t time to figure out a map of the base. For all we know, they could be interrogating her or planning on executing her as we speak. We may not be able to get in and out unnoticed, but that’s why we have an entire squadron here. Stealth is the goal, but we’re prepared, Commander, whatever happens.”

“I understand,” said Obi-Wan, averting his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Cody responded with a smile. “I’m glad you’re thinking this through, Commander. But we should be leaving now.”

Obi-Wan had been taken aback by Cody’s words; he, like many other Jedi, hadn’t worked with clones yet and had ignorantly assumed them to be mindless. The name ‘clone’ seemed very misleading now. “Yes, of course.”

 

~~~~

 

Despite his doubts, the mission went mostly as planned, at least at the start. It seemed rather suspicious to Obi-Wan; the only trouble they ran into was a few battle droids here and there that they disposed of before any alarms could be set off.

Part of their ease of success could probably be attributed to the fact that the base appeared very new and not fully functional yet. The entrance they found was an unfinished hallway with only plastic sheeting holding out the outside world, and there were hardly any security cameras in place except for those at the prison cells, each of which Cody hit with a blaster as soon as they were spotted.

“Which cell is she in?” Obi-Wan asked once the cameras were destroyed, peering down the long hallway of locked doors.

Master Luminara checked the computer readout on the controls desk, scrolling through prisoner information; there didn’t seem to be much. “Cell number forty-eight, let’s go!”

Anakin and Obi-Wan were already dashing down the hallway as Luminara flicked a switch to unlock the door of Cell 48.

“Barriss!” Obi-Wan said breathlessly, flinging the door open. Barriss was laying on a metal platform meant to pass as a bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Obi-Wan?” she said, lifting her head. “You’re here!”

“We’re here,” he confirmed, nodding. “We’re rescuing you, we’ve got to go now.”

“Is Master Luminara here?”

“I am,” Luminara said from behind him, and Barriss’s face lit up.

“Master! Oh thank you, I thought I was going to be left here for dead, I was -”

“You’re fine,” Luminara said, interrupting Barriss’s rapid monologue. “We’re here, and we’re getting you out now.”

Getting out, however, was not as easy a task as it seemed. The sliding door down the hallway that was open before was now locked, and their fake Separatist identification did not seem to be working.

“They know we’re here,” Luminara said grimly.

“Well there’s gotta be another way out,” Anakin said. “All these bases are laid out the same, and if there was an entrance on that side there must be one on the other side too, they’re all set up that way.”

“Have your lightsabers and blasters ready,” Luminara instructed, and they crept down the hallway as a group until the hallway ended with a door.

“It’s unlocked,” Cody reported, bending down to get a closer look at the identification screen on the side.

“Doesn’t that mean-” Obi-Wan began slowly, but Anakin had already pressed the button to open the door.

“Intruders!” a terrified voice shouted, and when the door finished opening they could see about half a dozen Togruta in Separatist helmets with blasters.

There was a split second of silence before every gun in the room was firing at the Jedi in the doorway. They stepped inside to let the clones behind them come in to join the fight, and soon Obi-Wan was in the thick of it, spinning and dodging and blocking their shots. In such a small room, with so many blasters, this was the most confusing battle he’d ever been in. The only reason he could imagine that they were all still unharmed was that the Togruta running the base were very clearly not trained fighters. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Anakin swing his lightsaber at a Togruta and hit them in the chest, and he heard a cry of dismay coming from another Togruta near him.

“Don’t hurt them! Defend yourself only!” Luminara shouted.

“What? Why?” Anakin responded, sounding outraged.

“They’re just locals running the base, they’re not Sith, they’ve been recruited,” she responded, blocking blaster shots with her lightsaber. “Let’s just get out of here!”

Anakin ran to the door, leaping over the controls, and tried to open it. “We’re locked in!”

Locked in? Why would they be locked in?

In the second that he was distracted by this, a clone next to him fell to the ground, hit by a shot from a visibly panicked Togruta female who had seemed to be the commander of the base.

“Master, the clones can’t block shots like we can!” Obi-Wan called to her from a few feet away amidst the chaos. “We need to prioritize, keeping our men alive is more important than sparing these ones!”

“Set your blasters to stun!” Cody commanded, and Obi-Wan turned to stare at him. The blasters could be set to stun? They hadn’t known that.

In less than twenty seconds, all the Togruta except two had been stunned by the blasters. The two left were now ducking behind the far side of the center control panel, and Obi-Wan could hear a frantic voice speaking in an unknown language, presumably Togruti.

“It’s a communicator, they’re probably calling for backup!” said Cody, then gestured his squadron to run around to the other side of the panel.

A mechanical voice resounded from the speakers in the room. “Emergency procedure four to be activated in thirty seconds.”

“Emergency procedure four?” Obi-Wan said aloud, then gave a slight jump as Cody’s men shot their blasters at the two Togruta, stunning them both at once. “What does that mean?”

“Whatever it is, it’s happening in thirty seconds, there isn’t enough time to stop it,” said Cody grimly.

“We’re down to twenty seconds by now, we should get out of here in case it’s something bad,” Obi-Wan pointed out.

“Doors are still locked,” said one of the clones, shaking his head.

Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin for a second, then did a double take when he realized Anakin was frozen, staring in mute horror at the central control panel.

“Anakin?”

The sound of Obi-Wan’s voice seemed to break him out of his trance. “Obi-Wan,” he said urgently, turning to look at him.

“What?”

“It’s a self-destruct. This base is going to self-destruct in fifteen seconds.”

“How do you-”

“Get to the ground!” Cody barked; the doors were locked and there was no time to do anything else. “Put your blast shields down and your arms behind your head!”

“Padawans, I need you to help me create a Force barrier,” Luminara commanded. Obi-Wan just nodded, kneeling down and concentrating his energy on making a barrier to protect them from the imminent explosion that Anakin had predicted.

The question crossed his mind; why did the Separatists have a self-destruct emergency procedure? Why did the Togruta manning the base enact that procedure if it meant their demise, rather than calling for backup? They were only being stunned anyway. Was there information in the room that was really that important?

Obi-Wan’s thoughts were interrupted quite suddenly by the entire world shattering at every seam. At least, that’s what it felt like. The ground seemed to shake, the roof above them started to collapse, and though the shield protected them from any physical damage, it did not stop the deafening sound of the explosion from hitting his eardrums like waves in a storm.

But the sounds and vibrations were not what made the world seem to shatter; that was in the Force. He did not know how large the eruption was, but he knew that outside there were homes crumbling, innocent citizens being crushed under the debris or being burned, broken, blown away by the force of the explosion. He could hear through the Force, thousands of voices, first screaming, then cries and whispers as they tried to figure out what was going on, looking for their loved ones in the rubble and praying to whatever deity they had that no one had died.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds, the shaking stopped and what was left of the room seemed stable. Luminara lowered her hands and the Force shield started to fizzle out. Obi-Wan looked around at the others, who were still in a stunned silence.

“Why did they have a self-destruct installed?”

No one answered for a few seconds. “They must have had secrets hidden here that they didn’t want us to find. Secrets so important the Sith would sacrifice the lives of everyone on their base for,” said Anakin.

“The Sith probably don’t care much about the lives of a few locals,” Barriss pointed out. “The secrets might not even be that significant, just inconvenient to disclose.”

“Did the Togruta recruits here know that was going to happen or did they just report our presence and the Sith tried to blow us up?” Obi-Wan wondered.

“We cannot worry about that right now,” said Luminara. “We need to go outside and see how much the town was affected by the explosion.”

Outside the base was a sight Obi-Wan would not forget soon. The buildings surrounding the base were all but destroyed; their outer walls in shambles, piping burst and water spewing everywhere, and anything left standing was on fire. Past that, he could see roofs caved in, windows shattered, and doors knocked down. But the most prominent sight was the Togruta citizens, running, yelling, crying, wondering what had happened and why.

“We have to leave,” said Luminara from behind him.

“Leave?” said Obi-Wan, trying to keep the utter outrage in his voice hidden. “But they need our help!”

“There are clone forces on their way right now to help them. They need medics, not Jedi. And the Sith will be coming for us, they know we’re here.”

“We can defend ourselves, we can’t just leave them after we blew up their city,” Obi-Wan argued.

“I have received direct orders from the Council, Obi-Wan, I’m sorry,” said Luminara, holding up her communicator. “We have to get back on the ship. The Sith are not coming to hurt the citizens, and we can do no more for them right now. This is war.”

Obi-Wan looked at the rest of the group, aghast. Were they really going to leave? Barriss bit her lip and nodded. Anakin was still silent, staring blankly at the remains of the city block around them. Hearing no more protests, Luminara began to lead them away through the rubble to the ship.

“Anakin? Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked quietly as they walked.

“Yeah, I’m - I’m fine. It’s just - terrible.”

“It is,” Obi-Wan agreed. “This is why we’re fighting the Sith. They do things like this.” He sighed. “Even though it was our fault the base blew up at all.”

Anakin just nodded. After a few more seconds of walking, he froze. “Do you hear that?”

Obi-Wan stopped too. “Hear what?”

“Padawans, we must keep going,” Luminara called.

“That voice,” Anakin continued, ignoring her. “Someone’s calling for help.”

Obi-Wan strained to hear. “I don’t know-”

“She’s over there!” Anakin said loudly, pointing to an entirely collapsed building across the street, not waiting for a response before dashing towards it.

“Skywalker!” Luminara shouted.

“Sorry,” Obi-Wan muttered before following Anakin, who was now scouring the rubble for, apparently, a person.

As Obi-Wan approached, Anakin gasped. “She’s here!” He began ripping up wood and stone from the ground until Obi-Wan too could see what he had been looking for; a young Togruta female covered in debris, her leg caught under a particularly large chunk of stone, preventing her from moving. Anakin lifted the stone with ease and helped her up.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“I - I’m fine - my parents, they….” Her eyes filled with tears.

“It’s okay,” Obi-Wan said automatically, stepping closer to place a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s not okay,” she said, suddenly aggressive, shoving his hand away. “They - they’re dead.”

“Where are they?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but I know they’re dead.”

“If you don’t know where they are, then maybe they’re still alive. Your home wasn’t that close to the site of the explosion,” Obi-Wan said optimistically.

“They worked in that building,” she responded, pointing vaguely towards what had been the Separatist base. “And anyway, I can - I can tell.”

“She has the Force,” Anakin whispered, although the Togruta girl could definitely hear him. “I can feel it. That’s how I heard her.”

She glanced between the two of them. “Wait, are you - are you Jedi?”

Obi-Wan nodded, but before he could respond, Master Luminara approached them in a fury. “You two! We need to leave _now_ , the Sith are _here_!”

“We’re taking her with us,” said Anakin immediately, looking at Obi-Wan.

“We are?”

“We have to. She has the Force, and her family is gone.”

“Whatever you do, do it _now_!” Luminara snapped.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” the Togruta girl asked incredulously.

“Yes, of course you do,” Anakin said, nodding to her. “It is entirely up to you whether you-”

“I want to go with you,” she said.

“You - you do?” Obi-Wan said.

“Let’s _go_!” Luminara interrupted.

“Yes, let’s go,” Anakin finally agreed, taking the Togruta girl by the arm and running after Luminara towards the ship.

When they arrived, Barriss was already in the pilot’s seat and the ship took off almost as soon as Obi-Wan set foot inside.

“I never asked - what’s your name?” Anakin was saying to the Togruta girl as Obi-Wan entered the cabin of the ship.

“Ahsoka Tano,” she replied. “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to Coruscant, to the Jedi Temple,” Anakin told her.

“And you’re going to train me to be a Jedi, is that it?”

“I mean - yes, I hope so.”

“Well, _you_ won’t be training her, Anakin,” Obi-Wan pointed out, smiling. “We’re still Padawans ourselves,” he added as explanation for Ahsoka. “And I - I hate to be a downer, but it’s probably not good to get your hopes up; the Jedi usually only start training between the ages of three and five.”

“Oh,” said Ahsoka, her voice suddenly very small.

“Well how old are you?” Anakin asked her.

“I’m thirteen. Is that too old?”

“Well - technically yes, but we’re in a war right now. It’s possible they would train you anyway, or at least let you help the Republic forces. They’re hardly in a position to be turning anyone away,” said Anakin, with a glance at Obi-Wan, who shrugged.

“We’ll see. Qui-Gon will know what to do.”

There was a pause, and then Ahsoka said, “I’ve heard about the war a lot, from my parents. But they couldn’t tell me what they were doing, and they were Separatists. What’s going on, really?”

And so the entirety of the flight back to Coruscant was spent explaining everything they’d been through to Ahsoka. The kidnap of Queen Amidala, the Senate declaring war, the clone army, the Jedi’s involvement, the Sith, the battles they’d been in, every time they won and every time they lost, every celebration and every near-death experience.

It was only now that Obi-Wan suddenly realized how long they’d been fighting. Anakin had been only eighteen when he made the decision to enter the war; he was twenty now. That was two whole years. Two years of fighting, of risking their lives day in and day out. It had gone by so fast, faster than he’d ever thought possible.

And in spite of all his efforts to not think about it, he wondered how many more years were left of this. The violence, the fighting, the catastophes like the one they’d just left behind on Shili; so many people had lost their lives because of this war. And not just Jedi, but innocent civilians, with their entire lives ahead of them, with families and loved ones and hopes and dreams, killed by random chance when the battle came too close to them.

It was simply awful. He was sure that everyone in the galaxy just wanted it to be over. For the war to be done, the Republic to win, for their lives to be peaceful again. Everyone, that was, except Obi-Wan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back, after that very long hiatus from writing. I'm hoping to put chapters out more frequently again, but I'm now starting the college audition process, so my weekends are pretty full and I'm not sure I will publish as often as I did last year. Thank you for staying interested in this fic if you are still around to read this chapter, I appreciate it. I can definitely promise I will finish this fic this year.
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/chirrazes) and [Tumblr](http://kyno-rens.tumblr.com/) for more Star Wars content!


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